Give Thanks

Its been a good year.  I can’t deny that.  Just wanna take some time and give thanks to those who have been particularly…helpful in my life this year.  Doesn’t mean that those who haven’t been mentioned weren’t…I’m thankful for all of my family and friends.  Moving on…

TVN

Ok you know I’m new to this elle word stuff, and its kind your thing (lol) but I thank you for being MY voice of reason and for reminding me that I am indeed a girl and thus allowed to be all the things that I’m now not afraid of.  I think we’ve had more talks this year than ever, I think we’ve needed them.  Odd that she gave us our BFF title, but thanks for living up to the name.  I think I have to get married so that you can be my man of honor! haha

JEM

How many days have I called you and cried “on your shoulder” this year alone? Probably more than in our entire personship lol.  You helped me through two, maybe three major melt downs and more importantly showed me that its really easy if you just let go and stop fighting.

Deeds

I don’t even know where to begin really…I tell you everyday and it never seems to be enough. Enough to let you know how much.  I’m a better me with you.  My two mirrors above tell me that.  I prayed for you..before I knew you.  To let you go would be denying a blessing.  I love the 90. I love the 10. I love you.

And God said…

Today I meditated…and God spoke to me. First off, don’t think I’m crazy, surely God has spoken to me before? Surely when praying? No…not exactly. Prayer is my therapeutic conversation with God. That is to say He is mainly being Rogerian and listening…lots of “Mmhms” and “Tell me more about…s”. No but today was different. I turned off my mind to everything. I put Pandora on Enya and some wind flute thing (kinda reminding of Koyal) came on…and I was vacant.

I was sitting, surrounded by greenery under a cherry blossom tree and He was like morning dew…I could feel Him and my head bowed. My spirit woke though I was still vacant…this wasn’t a dream, its difficult to explain…it was my minds eye, I guess? It is said that God lives in all of us…God to me is in nature. Anyway, so I’m sitting there and I hear Him speak, its like he understands everything in that moment and I am comforted. He says, simply “Trust and obey me, even for the small things.” And I felt something weird like I was being shaken awake gently. And I opened my minds mouth to ask God a question…out of all the questions to ask God as we sit in this utopic lush perfection…I opened my mouth and said….something (hey some things gotta stay personal).

Anyway after that I woke all the way up. It was weird…and there was only one person I wanted to tell. Consequently, while I know that a handful of people read my blog its really an online journal…and so though technically I’m telling everyone-im really only documenting and telling myself. How wonderfully peculiar. God spoke to me today.

Sanskrit root “yuj”

Alright folks, when I last posted I was in need of some R&R…I mentioned beginning to meditate again.  When I first moved back to Atlanta I used to do yoga in the AM to clear my head, I got out of that…but I think I want it back.  I’m not sure exactly what to call what this is that I’m going through, but I’d like to think of it as some kind of purification…so… we’re gonna go with it…Here’s a lil background on the roots of Yoga (as stated by good old Wiki)

The Sanskrit word yoga has many meanings, and is derived from the Sanskrit root “yuj,” meaning “to control,” “to yoke” or “to unite.” “Yoga is the effort to experience one’s divinity personally and then to hold on to that experience forever…a dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise.” (E.P.L. pp122) (why am I seriously citing sources?)

So yeah I used to do this thirty minutes a day every morning and I am about to go ahead and start that back up…anything for peace and presence.

Yall can do whateva (yup)

So…so… as I sit here semi-severely annoyed I have to be like Jess…what are you really mad at?  Truth be told I’m not mad at all…its annoyed-but ok lets focus. Remember a couple of days (lk a week) ago I mentioned talking to some friends about settling for whats available? And how there are always options?  That conversation has resonated within me since I had it.  Then pair that with my reading Eat. Pray. Love. and I think I’m tapping into my inner Taoist lol…I need balance.  Distress is caused by an imbalance…kind of funny… I got this Libra at the time I most needed balance…think that coincidental? I can’t

say because I don’t know.  What I do know is I’ve never been an angry person.  I’ve never been an anxious person, and yet lately I’ve been finding myself in so much anxiety over things that have absolutely nothing to do with me.  Struggling to find peace without disappearing into absolute solitude…well…

BE

[bee; unstressed bee, bi]

1.	to exist or live: Shakespeare’s “To be or not to be” is the ultimate question.

2.	to take place; happen; occur: The wedding was last week.

3.	to occupy a place or position: The book is on the table.

4.	to continue or remain as before: Let things be.

5.	to belong; attend; befall: May good fortune be with you.

This is what I’m working on.  This is my word.  BE.  All I want to do.  I don’t feel explaining the “deepness” behind this…but I feel like right now I’m not being…I’m too affected by others.  And not that I don’t want to feel or empathize, I just want to maintain my inner peace.  Something like a constant state of meditation.  That clear head, that ability to recenter before things get out of control.  Maybe I need to get back into that… hmm

City of Angels

So…while I love the (tri)chotomy with mountains, city, beach…can I really make this place home?  My friends (cept EC) already said no, but guess whose life it is? Hee, yeah thaaats right folks. Mine. So I’m asking myself…can I do it? Can I move 3000 miles away from the only life I’ve ever EVER known and embark on a new adventure and a new life?  Its definitely some uh..good reasons for going.  What with not only the obvious, but for work new laws in action make a very promising next couple of years still to come in my field.  And then of course there is the obvious…this guy I’ve pegged as the LOML.  In order to start our family together we kind of have to be together, and that family is significantly more important than anything else-I think.  Kind of all I ever wanted…my own family.  To be able to provide the best for my kids and husband.  *shrug* perhaps thats provincial and simplistic but…thats me.

boobies

Dear Miranda,

I didn’t ask for boobies like yours..so please please please tell me why they are growing?

I’ve had to go to your place of employment (Victoria’s Secret) for new bras recently and they already…ALREADY are fitting not so well…

I never wanted big knockers…I don’t need anymore than what I have, despite what any MAN thinks I say gimme a nice full C I’d be happy. Can you please talk to the boob gods and fix this immediately?  My tank tops are looking obscene.

xoxojess

Drinkin the Kool-Aid

So you guys are smart..you get the Kool-Aid drinking allusion right? (if not click HERE) OK, so lately, I’ve been having to drink the Kool-Aid.  listen to my own advice.  I always say that we have to not play small and surround ourselves with positive people etc etc etc…but I haven’t been doing it.  I told you guys a while back about how I needed to start saying “NO” and leaving folks to their own problems.  I didn’t listen to myself lol.  My friends are grown.  I have to be selfish and listen to myself and do better by myself for myself.  I was telling Ne the other day about how people will take and take so the things we have to offer better be free or we’re going to be broke/hungry/destitute.

I made a statement to my boyfriend, Deeds, that love is being exposed to a persons ugliest scars and loving them despite-and sometimes because of them.  That’s the Kool-Aid I’m drinking.  That the people in my life need to serve a purpose, and those that serve non shall be asked to leave.  Effective immediately.

Why keep them around?

Why have people in your life that only take?

Why keep people in that are going nowhere?

Why surround yourself with mediocre?

Why can I tell other people this and not follow the same advice?  I’m pray for the ones I’m letting go, continuously, but you are not welcome in my 2010.  Deeds says I can’t leave them in the dark.  I won’t.  That’s my promise and a testament to our friendship.  Be expecting your letters in the mail.

WAKE-UP

Who: You

What: Reality

When: IMMEDIATELY

Where: Wherever you happen to be

R.S.V.P.  send regrets only to Jesus (NOT JESS)

2010s a comin!

So it hit me that I only have 1 paycheck before New Years Eve (monthly pay is for the birds) and by then all the good stuff will be picked over so I’m looking at my favorite TopShop and sifting through outfits when I come across these now these are 6 inches (5.5) of pure fun. I’m pretty sure that I need these boots in my life.  No…seriously. I know I just did a post about boots but THESE are affordable (160.00) and they beckon to me.

Still leaves me outfitless..because as much fun as I like to have, I won’t be the “fun” girl in the Emperor’s outfit.  Something edgey. I’m never that girl.  I kinda want this Rihanna hair cut but with some color streaks in the front (just for that day) I kinda like three things..well clearly I love the look, very Carrie Bradshaw 1996 but  2009 and then the hair/nails/gloves…anyway so yeah I’m thinking about this haircut.  Its super hot…haute lol.  I’ma have a lil chitter chatter with my stylist and see what we can do.  Anywho I really don’t wanna wear a dress on new years…I am the girl who wears dresses so I wanna wear not a dress.  So I’m thinking like…this…but I want it more fitted bc I want to wear it as a tunic.

Sequin Mini Dress from Intuition $78

Over either leggings or black skinny jeans…and covered by a 3/4 length rouched sleeved blazer…I think I saw one  at TopShop…not sure, I’ve been on all my fav. shopping sites here lately.  But I really like this dress…its fun. And seriously when else are you going to wear something like this besides New Years? Umm *pwned* lol. But..being completely honest with myself I’m more Blair than Serena lol…and that means I’ll more than likely end up in a dress as a dress and heels with curled tosseled hair lol…we’ll see though! Be on the look out

HAUTE

Bad Ass Stella McCartney grey slouch boots $995

My boyfriend drove me to shopping. LOL not in a bad way though, in a we’re sitting around doing nothing and he’s flipping through a magazine and there was a tribute to Interview’s 40 years and somewhere in that came Grace Jones in metallic boots…wellll thats all it took!  Off to Net-A-Porter.com for Jess!!! Here are my absolute needs (yes needs)  To my left are some wants though lol…I have been wanting some grey boots for quite some time now but I just can’t justify them in my wardrobe.  And they’re too cas to just be uhhh wear these dolo. LOL. I might get some and maybe get some cardigans…*sigh* yall know I’m not trendy!  ANYWAY moving on…

 

HALSTON City suede thigh-high boots $1,895

Ummm two things that would be absolute staples if I had infinite in my closet, Halston and McQueen… I love their stuff but damn the prices!

 

 

 

 

 

ALEXANDER MCQUEEN Slouchy leather calf boots $1,175

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and Just in case I do feel like being cool like you hipsters and getting some flat boots…. (tasty) I gotta go for Chloe!

CHLOÉ Flat over-the-knee boots $1,295

but I dunno…i kinda like the flat plain kind like these

GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI Flat suede boots $975