Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Bought my ticket, 12:15am 7/15/2009 its on!

I took some screen shots from the website..check out a few pix:

In the words

So yall know I’m addicted to words…they’re my first love. Music is my boyfriend #2. Last night I was reading lyrics to one of my favorite writers, Sara Bareilles, and I got inspired to head to the Black Poetry Cafe-where I often post and read poetry.  I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say though…I was torn between wanting to write about the openness to possibility, and my mind wanting to write about intangible desires.  I couldn’t get it together.  Some how some way I couldn’t get Sanchez’s Poem#3 outta my head

I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high.

Written by Sonia Sanchez

Most people will recognize that as the first poem Nina ever told Darrius in  Love Jones after their first date (well…before the reggae spot). Anyway, the lines “I breathe you and become high,” kept reverberating through me.  Can you imagine being so intoxicated by a person that you breathe them, just the simple act of inhaling, and become high? This persons being alters your state, without effort or cause. Breathing, something so natural and also repetitive…I dunno I couldn’t escape these ponderings. So I started thinking of my own moments of intoxication.  Yet, the one who intoxicates is, in a sense, intangible (that damn theme again). Needless to say I stepped back and just decided not to write.  Well before I went to bed, I kicked up some pillow talk with The Drug; I’m kind of a sucker for pillow talk-not at all sexual in nature just random thoughts before bed.  Anyway, The Drug asked, “Whats on your mind?” As I knew he would…and I answered, “everything and nothing,” which sparked (apparently) a creative tidal wave. I wrote about 5 pieces last night throughout the duration of our conversation though I think this is the most interesting and one of the most interesting pieces I’ve written, in my opinion.  Without further adieu…the fruits of the love-obsessed insomniac:

I long to hear your voice.
Soft folds of velvet draped across my name.
Dripping slow like honey from my ears
whispers of nothing and everything.
Love in the words fall like raindrops on my skin,
washing me with sweet soliloquies of promise.
Mind falls deaf to the warm caress of your inaudible kiss
heard only with the heart.
Your breath over my body screams of bliss
and is met with an echo of indescribable joy.
What’s more beautiful than beautiful?
Quiet, for the words we are don’t exist yet;
unmatched, unparalleled, prototypical, and without flaw.
Untraceable dialect, foreign tongue, understood by no one outside of We.
Tattooed on my soul invisible to all but you,
“yours” in so many words,
and shouted in deafening silence.

Written by JessJ.

My Story

Preface: I did not want to write this blog. No seriously. Its been on my mind for a while now and that little voice (God) has been nagging me about it but I’ve been avoiding it.  I’m even crying right now and I haven’t even written it yet but I buried this so deeply and never like talking about it that bring it to surface is causing a malfunction.  Bend or break…we must sumbit to His will. Things must change. We must change. Somebody needs to hear this story, and I can’t go on ignoring God and ignoring my purpose.  I can’t clearly define what my purpose is but it has to do with these words. Not just this story but all of them.  My words touch people, and that’s not ego, or anything greater than simple truth.  We cannot ignore our callings and our purpose.  The more we ignore them the stronger they call; its like that drum in Jumanji lol.  Ok…without further delay…my story.

Sessions…

So for my program we have to go to therapy sessions…of course I can’t talk about whats discussed all together, but I can talk about what some of my “issues” are…I’m focusing on why I get so damn bored in relationships.  I’ve narrowed the issue down to I get bored because I don’t allow the relationships to mature past superficiality; i.e. intimacy issues. Great. Well I knew that. So now what?

Last week I told her that I don’t have boyfriends, I prefer to them as +1s because you know…if you R.S.V.P. then its you +1…meaning I just want a guy on my arm when I need one. She asks, “Do you call them +1s because you feel complete without them or because you’re afraid of becoming 1 with someone else.” This effed my mind up all damn weekend. Am I? IDK.  I always say that I’m not committment phobic, I’m committment cautious. But uuuuh am I? She also said that it seems that I only trust people with bits and pieces of me and that I’m never truly vulnerable. This is very true. I own it. But where I thought it was just in romantic relationships she helped me realize that its in friendships too. Crazy…like what the hell am I being so strong for?

Its just me…I don’t know how to be anything but that. So I’m sitting here, now, thinking…how can I be more trusting? strengthen those already pre-established relationships? I mean because I’m not currently in a romantic relationship…or maybe be open to one of those? IDK!? Whats the protocol captain? And for all the things I’ve learned in each situation I’ve been in, none of them have made me want to necessarily put myself out there more. You know? Like..none have been me looking back thinking “if I had just opened up more…” Like they just weren’t it LOL. I’ma keep a “blog journal” of how the rest of these sessions go and if I make any revelations…who knows guys..

Some Kinda Way…

Yall, please forgive me…I’m feeling some kinda way…I was first told to watch Unfaithful by my boy G, swore that it was sexy. Kept hearing about it from dudes…So I decided to check it out. And while its really not graphic at all, the movie is definitely top.  Like she fell asleep and didn’t wanna be too far from it LOL… D’ll make you slap somebody

So I’m really not the type to be all “out” on the net, I do have a rep..but damn look at this picture…and tell me there haven’t been some mornings where…ok well maybe there was a night that turned into a morning that…ok well maybe there was just that ONE who made you wanna do that stuff you swore you never would? Yeah thats safe. Like, in your head you might be thinking “I really can’t believe this guy talked me into ____” but your everything else is saying “THANK YOU FOR TALKING ME INTO _____this ish is better than ice cream!” no? that just me? Ok well I’ll take the L.  But  low-key…if u meet a dude that steals u from your friends, turns you out in a public bathroom then sends you back like nothing ever happened, I tip my hat to you.

When you’re mad…

This movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith has to be one of my favorite movies to watch you know, mindlessly.  If its on I’ll turn it on just to see the fight scene that preceeds this photo LOL.  I’m not even a Brangelina fan really but…something about this movie is just H.O.T. The Argentine Tango, Ang in a white shirt and wellies…the ass-kicking…its hot right? its not just me…

Now no lie…whats hot is when you get so freaking mad at the one you’re with (or with for that one…night) and you pick a fight, a small fight nothing too major but one that you know will get under their skin (for me it’d be something like saying the Pac-10>SEC…and believing it) and going at it for so long that all you want to do is go the hell at it. Just rip clothes off, slick animalistic behavior up against the wall *cue Mo’Nique “fool he PICKED me UP”* and have at it.  THAT is some…*pause* *clutches pearls* excuse me. But that is some hot ish right there…Damn…where’s me a lil boo junt I can pick a fight with? Babe lets play Chris and Rihanna hmmm….

D.O.T (con’t)

A continuation….

Why should I reward a man for doing the minimum?  “He calls when he said he would” “He doesn’t cheat on me” “He supports my endeavors” SO?  Thats all stuff a man who you’re in a relationship SHOULD do, or am I crazy??  Sorry I don’t reward mediocrity, and RESPECT IS JUST THE MINIMUM.  Katt Williams said, “What is it about my p***y that keeps attracting not shit men?”  No truer words…like if all you want is dick, don’t be surprised when all you get is fucked…I dedicate L-boogie to yall…..Not gonna post the song, read the LYRICS:

Girls you know you’d- better, watch out (Watch out!)
Some guys, some guys are only about (About!)
That thing, that thing, that thing! (Thing!)
That thing, that thing, that thing! (Thing!)

Throw your hands in the air!
Admit two shots in the atmosphere!
Verse 1

It’s been three weeks since you were looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
Remember when he told you he was about the benjamins?
You act like you ain’t here him, but gave him a little trim
To begin, how you think you’re really going to pretend
Like you wasn’t down and you called him again?
Plus when, you give it up so easy you ain’t even foolin’ him
If you did it then, then you’d probably do it again
Talking out your neck, saying you’re a Christian
A Muslim, sleeping with the Gin
Now that was the sin that did Jezebel in
Who’re you going to tell when the repercussions spin?
Showing off your a– because your thinking it’s a trend
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again!
You know I only say it because i’m truly genuine
Don’t be a hard rock, when you really are a gem
Baby girl! Respect is just the minimum
brothas creepin’ and you still defending him
Now — Lauryn is only human
Don’t think I haven’t been through the same predicament
Let it sit inside your head like a million women in Philly been
It’s silly when girls sell their souls because it’s in
Look at what you be in, hair weaves like Europeans
Fake nails up out Koreans

Come again

D.O.T.

Stealing from Hov…this is the Death of  Thirst…in lieu of the weekends events and the Steve McNair tragedy, radio shows, blogs and twitterers have been asking, is cheating ever really worth it?  Oddly enough I was reading my Bible looking for a verse in Proverbs 31 and I looked left and saw: Proverbs 30:20 and it reads: Such is the way of the adulterous woman; she eateth and wipeth her mouth, and saith I have done no wickedness. 

Perhaps its wrong of me to throw it back on women but I do, sorry. Men can’t cheat alone. And I suppose I’m leaving out the DL issues but thats a whole other can of worms. Anyway I blame thirst.  Why are some women so thirsty that they accept second rate “love” from a man? They will do their part in destroying a home, and a family and think somehow they have achieved something over the “stupid wife” are you kidding me?!  What virtue is in being the sideline hoe?  How do you fix your mouth to say that you are sleeping with a married man and still smile?!  Like…honestly? As a woman I would love to think that another woman would respect me enough to leave my husband alone, but she not gone respect me-cuz she doesn’t respect her self!  

Why do men cheat? Because they can!  TOO many women are ready, willing, and able to aid and facillitate in the break down of the American family and contribute to the woes of our fellow females.  Some think they have the upper hand because the “stupid wife” doesn’t know whats going on or the man is giving her money/time/attention etc…But lets be real…you (Miss Hoe-no I don’t feel bad calling you a hoe) are out there thirsty as hell “In search of..” some man to complete you and make you feel worth a damn and in the end is it worth it?  Do you feel like a million bucks when his cell goes off and its his wife and you get the deuces? 

I’m sorry yall but sorry ass women are my pet peeve. I wanna rid the world of thirsty women.  If women demanded that men did better and actually HAD STANDARDS then perhaps we wouldn’t have this overwhelming majority of sorry ass men who think that Kay Jewelry trinkets and a Plies mixtape is a symbol of love.  We really, no no no YALL because I’m not a cheater lol, have got to do better….to be continued…..

Liquid Calories, Thanks…

Soooo I think I’ve gained about approx. 1 million lbs since I’ve been back in Atlanta. Why? Because I’m stressed. Stressed about finding a job, stressed about getting into school, stressed about money, stressed about a car, stressed about my FAMILY, wait no FAMILY, just stressed. When I was in Nash, I ate out some but for the most part I cooked-I’m a little in love with fruits and vegetables, and latin food which is protein heavy not very breaded, and grilled most importantly…and honestly I drank most of my calories.  Here? I don’t buy my own food, my fruits get gone before I can touch them, and since I have no one to casually drink with I find myself snacking more…not so good. Like, its not cute.

Today I walked in, Her upstairs says “Ohh are you gaining weight?” I say,…well nothing because I was eating a brownie. Then I rolled my eyes because she is always one talking about weight and quite frankly her obsession with it drives me effing ape shit bananas crazy ((best most on-the-money words)).  So then she says “you’re gonna be a diabetic,” to which I respond, “We’re all gonna die sometime,” and she says, “Yeah but you are gonna have to suffer first,” and I thought, Shit I eat because you stress me the fuck out! *ding* Lightbulb…I neeeeeeever ate this kind of crap living alone (as I have for the last 5 years). All the more reason to get out…

Here’s why I prefer to drink my calories,

1. no chewing necessary
2. you never have to share
3. 2 drinks makes you so much happier than 1 entre
4. if you need to drop a few lbs, its easier to quit drinking alcohol than give up ice cream.

I’m just saying… I gotta get in the gym…and outta this house. IS IT AUGUST YET?!? I mean, honestly…..

Maxwell BLACKsummersnight

Yall…I have been feeling *some kinda* way for a while now because of this Maxwell Album, and technically I know I’m not supposed to have it…fret not I always buy So July 7th I will be purchasing this CD and subsequently making copies for my car, and 3 more just in case I wear those out.  Keeping the original in rotation at home lol. If you have a boo please put this CD on and go make love for those of us who have given it up or are sans sigO. This is not a jumpoff kinda album..Love might be required. Guaranteed to get you breakfast in the morning…