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1511760768_eaeb4bfe5c_mDo you ever stop to contemplate the importance of the groupie in professional and even collegiate sports?  I bet you don’t. Well I’m here to tell you, this is an under appreciated field and I just wanted to thank all the groupies in the world, but I have a few questions…I didn’t know if there was a “Groupie Union” point of contact like maybe should I get directly at Kar.rine?  I’ll just keep it open forum for purposes of inclusiveness and out of respect for all the groupies out there: novices, olympians, and professionals.

  • I really wish you guys would organize and unionize and stop giving these guys ‘treats’ for taking the L.  Only give out cookies if the team is winning. Or maybe the rookie has a break out game? That’s worthy of a lil something, but not the whole shebang. I’d think that only Championships warrant this “you can put it anywhere” behavior that I see far too often thrown out like mardi gras beads.  Groupies, come on. You have more power than you think if you just organize and unite!
  • Novice groupies, if you insist on wearing throw away clothes (jawns from Rave, Rainbow, Wet Seal, Body Shop, and the ever popular Great Glam ) You’ll continuously be treated like the 3rd string groupie. Yes there is a heirarchy and you must dress the part. You must wear NICE hoe dresses, ones from Gucci, and Versace, and Dolce and Gabanna.  Lables Labels Labels and if the designers name or logo is visable EVEN BETTER!
  • I hope yall are turning some of your money (you know the profits from either videos, party appearances, or just ‘gifts’) into good investments. Like investing in real estate isn’t cutting it in this economy…instead maybe invest in the top 3 importers of Remy Hair? Or the textile industries that create clear heels?  Or OH people always drink! Open up the “Peep a Hoe Liquor Sto” and you can wear Hooters type outfits while selling liquor to the community. I mean making a profit AND giving back to the neighborhood? That’s what its all about.
  • “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness”  Nothing is worse…NOTHING-than a sloppy hoe groupie. Us regular women look at the sloppy groupie and know all the nastee things she must be doin to get in because no one would be chillin with her (you) otherwise.  Fix yourself up. Nobody should ever see your c-section scar. You need to hit the gym like an 8-5 and stay hydrated. *See Groupie, I’m concerned for your well-being. I want you around a long time!…mainly because I like sports but you know whatever stay focused*
  • You girls need to take a “Sunbeams” approach to life. The team comes 1st.  Look at groupie unions past, The Gammites, (School Daze), the Pink Ladies (Grease), and the icon Penny Lane…the team/band came first. It was about the betterment of the men. So lets keep that in mind ladies, when you organize make sure you remember that his game is the priority, your job is to make sure his satiated off the field.  This is your challenge if you choose to accept it…

I dunno about you, but I just don’t think the money, fame, and influence is enough.  Gotta have the groupies.  You guys make it all worth while.  As a fanatic of professional and collegiate sports I gotta say if we work together in these goals, keeping in mind the notes I made above, I think we’ll be well on the way to winning seasons, Championships, and contract extentions (or top draft picks in the case of NC.AA sports). I salute you groupie, Cash for cookies!