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Stiff and unbending is the principle of death.
Gentle and yielding is the principle of life.
Thus an Army without flexibility never wins a battle.
A tree that is unbending is easily broken.
The hard and strong will fall.
The soft and weak will overcome.
– Tao Te Ching (76)
So I’ve been marinating on this theory for a while now…the unwillingness of women to submit to their men. Yesterday BFFT asked why did submission have such a negative connotation, I guessed its due to our culture. In America the person who works hard and who is unrelenting will receive their just dues. We cannot yield, we cannot compromise, we must overcome and conquer. That is two-fold for women. We have been made to surrender our feminine qualities in order to excel in the workforce. Not be soft, not be emotional, not be nurturing, not be who biologically are. If we speak in terms of social evolution, the traits of masculinity have been selected for in American culture so those wanting to survive are having to adopt them.
However…we have to look at the flip side, while women are dominating higher education and breaking barriers in terms of professional achievement, the American family is suffering, and has been for the last fifty years. I don’t think its coincidental. If a man wants a woman, and a woman has been forced into masculinity, why does he need her? Why does she need him? In short, we are not submitting because we just don’t know how anymore…how to turn it off and how to still remain a sense of strength in that submission. Re-read the above quote.
Its is from Taoism, obviously a facet of Eastern culture and not our own. Yet poignant, soft overcomes hard. Strength in yielding. There is nothing wrong with allowing a man to be a man. To be the head of the household. To have the final say. If you don’t trust him to do that much then why are you with him? Submission is not weakness, it is-if anything- conviction. It is saying that I trust, not only in your man, but in his respect for you, in your relationship bond, in God. It takes a stronger back to bend and bow then stand again.
Balance. Right now the family is on the far end of the pendulum arc and the feminist movement and working women pushed it there, things will slowly move back towards the center. I’m sure some women will fight me tooth and nail on this topic, and maybe you think I’m calling for total submission, no not at all. I’m calling for a return (if there ever was) of trust, of true love, of honesty, of Men who are male and Women who are female. An alpha male just is not going to be in a household with an alpha female, its a constant power struggle and as we discussed a while back, men need to be needed. If you constantly tell a man I don’t need you I can do “bad by myself” he’ll give you the opportunity.
P.S. for the believers…See: Sarah
Dubb, you don’t know how often I hate hearing people bring up feminism to me. SO, because women in the past wanted equal rights to move up in the workforce, I can’t want traditional things, like a husband, house and kids??? It irks me to no end!
OH, and this article gives me more reason to read up on Taoism … further incentive to barrel through my currents
You have been reading my mind. I recently had this conversation with my hair stylist about this and we both agreed that we want a man to be a MAN. That basically we would love to go back to the old days where a man was the head of the household. I’m like I”ll cook, you cut the grass and take out the trash. I have no problem with strong women and achievements, but I agree with you in the respect that the American family has gravely suffered with many women who are like “i can do bad all by myself”. Give me a man who can fix a toaster, change my oil, cut the grass, handle the family finances and I’ll cook for him EVERY DAY!
Great post!
YES!!! My man likes to cook, but I said baby you do dinner I’ll do breakfast. He will do the yard, I’ll keep the house spotless. He likes to grocery shop so I’ll balance the checkbook. I’m not ashamed in any way at saying I need him, and so does my yard, car, fridge, and future kid lol.
@Sasha you made me shout at work! LOL
Haha, girl more women need to hear it. And I’ll admit I was one of those who would have cut a Negro years ago if “submission” came up. But as I’ve gottnen older, I’ve come to realize it doesn’t mean asking him I you have permission to use the bathroom. But really it’s about balance and the natural order of things. I don’t want some punk man. I want him to feel needed and let him know, yes I’m educated but I still NEED you.
P.S: if you know of any singles tell them to holla at a sista. I make a MEAN peach cobbler from SCRATCH! haha!