Earlier today I wrote that post and I was feeling really down, honestly, because its something I just cannot figure out. Then…something happened. Deeds sent me a picture that I’d sent him a while ago near the beginning months of us-ness. 
He said it was one of his favorites. I’d sent it to him as an anti-nassy pic lol, but what struck me immediately was how much different I look now…I quickly went and put on the same outfit, and snapped a quick picture and looked at the two side by side. Now..these pictures are taken with a non-fancy camera phone, haven’t been photoshopped or edited (except for me melding them side by side) they’re simply just me. I look at it and I feel three things.
Hopeful because I see that I can do it. I see that I have been doing it. My habits pay off and I need to give myself some credit. Not eating meat, not eating fast food, not drinking sodas or sugary juices, getting in a gallon of water a day, upping my green intake, vitamins…it is all paying off.
Broken because I couldn’t tell without the pictures. I couldn’t see the difference in myself. I couldn’t feel the difference. I am stuck in a mindset that numbs me to some things and I wish I could just wake up. I have to give myself time I suppose. I’m not going to keep crying because I mess up, I’m going to give myself a break; oddly enough the thing I ask clients to do at least 5x a week. I am human, an imperfect human. Love, however, is perfect. So to combat the broke me I will love myself more fiercely.
Overwhelmed because (and perhaps this is superficial) he loved me then just as much as he does now. I (the all encompassing I) am not three numbers. I was watching Biggest Loser and one of the contestants said (of Jillian) “Everytime she tells me I can do something, I can…I need to start telling myself.” I feel that way of Deeds. So…while I do still want to do my 5 and 10ks, lets give a little credit where credit is due. Jess you haven’t been slacking or sitting still…but its time to pick up the pace, that’s all.
You’re doing great! It’s just hard to see your progress when you’re in the middle of “it”. Keep doing what you’re doing and give yourself a break.
Angie
P.S. I found you via KaNisa. : )
Thank you! Lol–any friend of KaNisa’s is A-OK with me!
YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! We are our worst critics. I’ve had to learn that I am not perfect and will make mistakes. We must celebrate our victories…even the seemingly tiny ones. BTW, as a nutritionist..I love your life style change. These pictures don’t lie…it’s works.