I hadn’t said much about this tragedy, and by much I meant anything. Yesterday I had to unplug to escape the propaganda surrounding the actions…the call for more god more gun control or more protection. I found it all to be vexatious.

I also could not digest others living in the woe (so to speak). I had to question myself as to why I was so intolerant of this. I watch facebook status after facebook status about people wanting to hold their children tighter after hearing about Newtown and after the 15th it felt like praying on street corners. I’m hardly ever jaded or cynical so I had to reconcile my angst with the grief.

What I came up with was this, I believe deeply that life never leaves us. And while, yes, the physical lives of children, were taken in a most horrific way I pushed away from the invariable buffet of overconsumption set by the media and I said, to myself literally, how can I find love in this?

I wondered why the life of a child. What came to mind was Harry Potter…the sacredness of spilling the blood of unicorns as they were the most pure and most innocent. What we learned there was that something awful was trying to survive and taking desperate measures. Drawing a parallel I can see the same thing here in our society. It is not at all lost to me this comes a week prior to the veil lifting.

I wondered why so many were so affected. I resolved that it was vulnerability. Seeing how truly vulnerable we are, our children are…it shakes something in people right to their core. And then? We have been unearthed, but will we plant love or seed fear? I, personally think gun control and even mental health care is a temporary fix. What do we plan to do to heal the spirit of our nation? Of our people? Its something far more primal than political action being asked of us.

Finally, my practical side if it can be called that holds the families of the victims in my heart. I feel their heaviness. And I pray a simple prayer, that even amidst this hurt and pain they seek light and feel love. Truly feel the arms around you as a nation holds you up. We will break away soon because it hurts too badly to remember your loss…our own skin feeling too small to bear your burden. But know that god will always hold and keep you.

And while I suppose it is not the most traditional form of grieving, Newtown has reminded me to show love now.  Give love now. It is urgent and immediate and necessary, right now, as the words arrive at the tip of my tongue. In a very humble bow to the lives of the children, I will live offering love and that is for you.