Its amazing how being a counselor/therapist has made me listen to people in a totally different way. For example, whenever someone says to me, “in high school I was friends with everybody.” I hear, “I have trust issues.” Now I could explain the thought process surrounding that ready? Here we go:
- hanging out with “everybody” means not being close to anybody
- not being close to anybody means not sharing yourself
- not sharing yourself means there’s a reason
- the reason (more often than not) is a lack of trust
- *bonus* people who don’t trust, usually don’t trust themselves either
- *double bonus* those who trust yet compartmentalize (trusting some friends with 50% others with 80% others with 20%) don’t trust those people. Period.
So, just by a client saying that I get an inkling of the kind of work we’re going to be doing. The thing about that is, I can’t turn it off. When I meet people and they say, “oh in high school I was friends with EVERYBODY,” I just smile, look at their significant other and say to myself, “You’re going uphill in roller-skates friend.” There are other things that cut to the quick just a sharply, phrases that over justify suggest defense and hurt, phrases that blame are usually blankets for shame and disappointment. I’m sure that the keen listener/observer could and does notice such things, but every time? To every one? I wonder