Last night, I went to visit my friend KSH who is getting married SOON and is going through her pre-marital counseling sessions. As a future therapist, of course I’m all interested in what they’re working on. Well one of the supplementary materials in her class is Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages.” Here are the 5 ways to communicate love according to Chapman:
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Acts of Services
So, it just so happened that right after I took the quiz and discovered I was a “physical touch” we get into a sex talk. What both she and my co-worker decided was that it must be extremely difficult for me to be a toucher and be SO far away from my partner. Let me tell YOU! Her pastor said that I must be learning to use my other languages to communicate since I can’t “speak” my touch. Its tough yes but what can you do? Bend or break.
Coincidentally, I called my Tiek today because she was feeling sad yesterday and I had to check on her. Out of all my friends, she and I talk on the phone most regularly. Most weeks we talk everyday, sometimes we go without but those are rare occasions. We both make sense to each other. Anyway, so I said you need a hug? She hates hugs. But I always ignore her and hug her anyway. She likes it. I then began to wonder. “Do you communicate physical touch (love) to EVERYONE you love?” Like it wasn’t just with Deeds. I always hug and kiss my sisters, mom, grandmother…I hug my friends, good hugs too…my Person, Tiek and I as the trifecta would lay in bed and read the newspaper and/or study…and honestly my bed was the kick it spot in college. I guess when I love you, I let you in. Deeds drew a line and said nobody in our bed but us. Tiek feels some kind of way about it…I guess I’ll have to develop another love language lol.
Then I thought about the people that I don’t touch. I can’t remember the last time I touched some people…and some people feel like…well that I shouldn’t touch them. It occured to me that those are the people that matter least in my life. This book has me thinking, definitely. How do I express love and more importantly how do I not. When Mells came down he literally laid across Ne and I and fell asleep. I thought about this today and said, well maybe people can sense when you’re ok with the intimate proximity. People can understand your language (if they know you) even if they can’t speak it back to you. I wonder if I can make approximations about other people’s languages in my life…
editors note: Tiek said this post made her sound quote sooooooo gay end quote. So, to clarify Tiek isn’t gay, lesbanese, or even homo. This note has been sponsored by the letter after C.