self rev

I looked for a picture more perfect than this, with a black girl…but, nothing gave me what this one did-so I had to keep it.

It started innocently enough, I wanted to write a blog about this thought that I had this week. I came to the realization that thin doesn’t mean better. I know that seems…whatever but for the longest time it appears that’s what I believed.  Being a certain size would make me better, more _______ (you name it).  I never knew I held those beliefs until this week.  I was watching the Portia deRossi interview on Oprah and O questioned her current diet and exercise plan and she said, I don’t diet because I refuse to limit and restrict myself.  Food has no control over me anymore.

So, while I went to google image search to look for a “healthy black woman” I got exasperated an asked myself, “Why doesn’t anyone look like I want to look?!” Then I asked myself, “Why don’t I look like I want to look?”  Not in an accusatory way, but truly an inquisitive wonder. Then I cried.

Whats the difference now?  I want to feel better, not be better. Looking a certain way is just that.  I am letting go of the fallacy that being smaller means anything else than being smaller, it will not make me smarter, or wiser, or a better friend.  Pushing towards evolution, revolution…and I’ll never stop pushing.

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