The other day I hopped on the WiiFit and found out that somehow in these past few months I’ve managed to lose 23lbs. Who knew! Pretty cool but a long way to go…anyway that’s only part of the news.
The biggest weight is the one off my shoulders. I wrote to a friend of mine and was honest with her about things I’d been feeling. Its not exactly fair to be upset at the way a relationship is going if you’ve done nothing to change it or even voice your frustrations. I’m just not good with such things. Deeds makes me do it, but no one else. Everyone else gets my old trusty pull-away method. I’m working on it! The thing is, honesty just makes everything better. You cannot apologize for your truth.
Next, I spoke with my godmother and told her about my recent feelings of loneliness and how I am at the point in my life where I want a family. She understood and said she was at that same point. I briefly thought about what it would be like to give your everything to job/family/etc and wake up one day unfulfilled and craving companionship. I thought about another friend of mines mom that can’t seem to leave a marriage that makes her unhappy and I wonder if its the same thing. Hatred of loneliness.
My loneliness is a bit situational. This holiday its driven me mad and stirred up anger, resentment, frustration, doubt, and animosity. I have to let it go. Shake the weight of those things off me. At the very least I can say I didn’t wonder if it was due to my own deficiency; my loneliness. Which in and of itself is a feat. Long way to go…many more lbs.