My First* Love

I put that * because I’m not entirely sure how true it is.  While I’d love to say that I loved myself immensely prior to my current relationship, the truth is I didn’t.  I also didn’t know that I didn’t until my current relationship.  I thought that I had healthy self esteem, a firm grasp on my self-worth, and confidence by the tons but that was all pretty much just a lie.  Now, however I can truly say that I love myself!  I was looking in the mirror and yes I may not be the weight/height/right percent body fat/or as toned as I’d like to be but I can still look at myself and love what I see in the mirror.  Today I saw this

Gentle curves…an ever shrinking waist and what seems like ever spreading hips.  I love it though!  I love that even when I’m not wearing a short dress or a low-cut top I can still feel beautiful and catch the eye of on-lookers.  I love that I walk with Rihanna playing in my head like I’m in a runway show and it doesn’t matter whether I’m in Uggs or 5″ stilettos.  I love that my boyfriend loves me just the way I am, and tells me so enough for me to smile stupidly when I hear it.  I love that my looks are not the end nor the beginning of the greatest part of me.

I was thinking about how when I graduate college I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do the next month.  I was seriously depressed and lost.  It wasn’t that I feared my greatness, I was completely aloof to any existence of greatness within me.  Now as I begin the final semester of my Masters I know I am going to do big things in my field.  I know that I am going to (in my own way) change the world.  Most of all I know that I am not limited to my reflection in the mirror.  My jeans size, nor bra size in no way allude to the content of my character nor the span of my wings.  When I see 

or when I see this 

I don’t think the worst.  I don’t count myself out of any thing.  I don’t run through my list of everyone smaller, curvier, more toned, taller, shorter, etc.  I simply smile and love  it.  I love my shape.  I love my body.  I love me.  It may not have been my first love, but its been the most rewarding and the most life-changing.  Maybe that’s just the way it goes sometimes.

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2 thoughts on “My First* Love

  1. I haven’t laid eyes on you in a while, but you’re looking amazing girl! I love that you have love all over you! It’s the perfect shade.

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