A week ago today I had tea with my professor and he said a curious thing to me…he said: you owe it to your race to get married and produce more of you; more responsible, educated Blacks. Which was met by my laughter as I thought surely he was joking. He continued on: What’s so funny? America is sterilizing your race. Supporting the over education and progression of your women, but putting your men in jail. And the men who are equal to you don’t want you, they want [a] blonde; white man’s prize. You read Malcolm X? Damn.
I owe it to my race huh? That sat with me for a while. A slow-roast conversation, if you will. Now even though this is my plan any it was weird to have someone state it to me like this. Not just someone but a professor that I respect (who happens to be of an ethnic minority as well). I told him that I planned on getting married, he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said I did. He said well what are you waiting on? I said we can’t get married broke?! He said why not? Damn.
Now what the hell do I say to that? I blamed it on my boyfriend citing that I couldn’t very well ask myself, but in all honesty it is a mutual decision between the two of us. Not yet ready for marriage or kids and all that it entails. Then of course, because I’m me I thought “why not?” When will I ever be ready to not be selfish? (sidebar: I recently decided that THIS is what makes relationships hard. We have our own wants/needs/agenda and it is so hard to not be selfish sometimes and we want to run away from our relationship just to have our way. Sadly enough “our way” will have us single listening to Beyonce songs). One day I’ll say “I do” and make little curly haired babies like this cutie to the right. I mean I owe it to my race.
I owe it to myself as well…to try for happiness. I’ve always wanted a family (curiously, not always to get married though…lol I’ve since changed), more than even a career so why is it silly or provincial to work for it like I would my career? My final answer to his question of why not would have to be, I’m never going to be more ready than I am right now, and when the opportunity presents itself I’ll gladly oblige; but for now I will enjoy the place that we are and not from a seat of waiting, but from one of acceptance and understanding.