Just remembered, I’d forgotten

This is going to seem like the biggest “duh” in the history of epiphanies, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I HATE RUNNING.  So why, for MONTHS and months now have I been trying to make myself a runner? I mean I genuinely hate it.  My knees are terrible and while I love the feelinfg afterwards I can get that from any workout…so lets remember what I’d seemingly forgotten:

  • I was a cheerleader
  • I did track and field
  • I was in marching band
  • I was in spring musicals

I was active and none of these things included distance running!  WTF have I been thinking…I really feel like I’ve been wearing a dunce cap.  It came to me after I saw this picture…I used to be this! Ok I was never this small, but I was this strong! I used to dead lift, power clean, bench press, squat, do plyometrics, do circuit training, 20 minutes of cardio for 30 minutes of lifting for two hours a day EVERY DAMN DAY.  Now…I’m not giving myself that kind of routine again, but I’m thinking back and remembering that I loved that feeling of being strong.  I like my legs sizeable because when I wore shorts people knew I was an athlete (of some sort).  I liked everything about an athletic body except the lat muscles (2nd shoulder) but I think they’re here to stay lol…There are some remnants of the former me still hidden and every now and again I get a glimpse of her.  I miss her. I can’t believe I’d forgotten about her.  Not many girls women strength train. Some women are afraid of looking too bulky or too muscular.  I think strength is beautiful.

I haven’t seen many things more stunning than this picture…I am going to stop trying to put myself in a box.  I am going to stop restricting myself and I am going to remember what it was that made me happy. And then I’m going to do that. Every damn day.

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