Tonight Dr. Kim asked what I would rate myself on my current project (of increasing my patience), I said I would give myself a ‘solid B+’. I can definitely tell a change in myself. I use the meditative breathing multiple times a day every single day to recenter myself and it helps to increase my patience when dealing with stressful situations. What I learn (every day) is that the things we view as weak are in fact our biggest fears. We act in spite of it and that is why that which we seek to control, controls us. Thus, we are ruled by not our strengths, but by our weaknesses. To defeat this, one must make not an enemy of weakness but embrace it. Only through yielding can one conquer. I hate(d) waiting because there was so much out of my control in the unknown. Planning gave me a sense of relief and safety, but what I have be taught through this challenge is that the best plan must first be adaptable to change. And, as a result the greatest planners must be flexible. Irony.
Side bar…talk about connectedness; I went to have acupuncture at Georgia Integrative Medicine from Kimbrell and in our talking we found out that she knew and worked with both my mother and father in her former career. After my treatment, and every day since, I have been sending blessings to her because I can breathe! It turns out I had an upper respiratory infection and was really having a hard time breathing because of my allergies and pollen. My doctor had prescribed my normal allergy medicine but it was not working and offering very temporary relief. After my acupuncture I have been able to breathe and I told my mother that I’m very ready to wash my hands of western medicine. I was reminded of this again in the speaker, Dorothy, tonight. She spoke of how the medicine that left her unable to function and be herself, of no relief, and of the lack of personal care with her doctors after her accident. After my own car accident I swore off medicine. I would not even take pills for headaches. I was so severely over-medicated that I never wanted to be that out of touch with my own body again. I would rather feel my pain and work through it than be disconnected. I’ve since come to be more forgiving of medicine, but it is always my preference to not take pills. Everything comes full circle in life, and in this class I see the rings much more clearly than I ever have. Though I remember reading Dorothy’s story in the Tao of Healing it was very different to hear and feel her words in person. Dr. Kim reminded me that because I a) have been through something similar and b) am an empath, listening to her life was very draining to me. To help calm myself, as I cried for pretty much 20 straight minutes, I just focused on my breathing. It is really quite amazing how simple and effective that is.
Lastly, the Tao Te Ching says in Chapter 46
No disaster is greater than not knowing what is sufficient.
No crime is greater than avarice.
One who knows sufficiency will always have enough.
Reading this, and really ingesting the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People struck a chord with me. Knowing that having more (or less) of something only changes circumstance but not us. I’m in the middle of a 28 day challenge that I started to better examine the 7 habits and what I’ve taken away so far, now halfway through, is that at the end of the day knowing that what I am sufficient, that I am enough is everything. I have stopped demanding things of myself and learned to make changes from a place of love, yielding to my Tao. I stopped trying to be something that I was not. I began to accept who and what I am, and in that understanding of my own supply I am learning, wholly, that I am enough. I truly feel this class has allowed me to see and feel so much, its immeasurable the ways in which I have been altered.