Lets Get Married, Question Mark

I’ll admit life has been crazy and all these changes have been thrown my way lately and I’m a Taurus, change is not something I’m good at. I’m working on it though.

With my pending move to California lots of people are asking me how Deeds feels and what our next move is, are we living together, are we thinking of getting engaged, are we going to get married soon, they all shoot off like firecrackers in my head; question after question after question.

Imagine, then, my surprise when my partner in melancholy mentioned the Mword to me last week. My jaw was quite literally on the floor and all I could think was, he didn’t just say what I think he just said, did he? He had. I was frozen. All I could think about, even at the mention of marriage, was how I wasn’t ready. Is that weird? Now…he isn’t ready either. We both want to get married, yes…and to each other lol, but we’re very much enjoying this place we’re in right now. I think the thing that shocked me most was that I truly believed that statement and it seemed like maybe he was “more serious” than I am, and that made me nervous.

There is a large part of me that is ready to be all wifely and domesticated, and then there is another part of me that wants to see the world. That part is way more tempting to give in to currently. I know that Deeds knows this about me and as long as he’s willing to join the adventure we’ll be great. What would be scary is if he wasn’t. What if we really WERE in different places in life? There’s that nervous feeling again. I ebb and flow like the tide. Tomorrow I’ll want nothing more than to come home, cook dinner, and snuggle on the couch while watching some drama on tv. Today though, all I want to do is swim in the Mediterranean.

One thought on “Lets Get Married, Question Mark

  1. I’ve been lurking but not commenting lately so I figured I’d make an e-appearance lol. Glad to hear that things are going well for you (congrats on your PhD program acceptance!). But I’m even happier that you’re in touch with where you are at this point in your life. I cringe when I hear stories of people who get married because “that’s just what you do after X years” or “I’m not getting any younger and he/she has been around the longest”. Marriage should never be a fallback option, it should be something you choose wholeheartedly.

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