Don’t forget to remember

Isn’t it funny, I told Nama, that we have to be talked into listening to ourselves? We had both just had experiences in our lives where we knew instinctively what to do, and yet needed reassurance from other people to follow our instincts. How asinine is it that I need to be told that?!
In my situation, I was worried about…well, worrying. It started with money for school. I had to pay a pretty hefty deposit to hold my place in my Doctoral program and I had no idea where all the money was coming from. I knew, I mean really knew that it was going to get taken care of though. Everything in my core (note: I feel things in my lower abdomen first, before anywhere else…and everytime I started to get anxious, my core would tell me to relax) was saying “It’s taken care of.” But my stupid mind wanted to know details, how, who, when?! I was having an internal battle which required lots of breathing to recenter, prayer to stay faithful, and affirmation to not go completely mental.

In the end, yesterday my balance due became $0.00 due dually to my Heavenly (and earthly) Father. For those of you who read with any type of consistancy you know that the latter of those was a shocker to me, and that is not something I could or would have ever predicted. When it happened all I could do was laugh and tell myself “I told you so,” and go on about my day. Right now I am focusing on how I can stop that internal battle and let my mind know who is in charge. I’ve never heard my inner voice be quite so vocal, assertive, nor constant. I recognized it, of course, as my own but different. The stress of worry is becoming more and more foreign in my body and I’m loving how that feels.

I wrote on my hand today, “Don’t forget to remember,” because I want to always hold what it felt like to believe in my own truth…even when the odds were stacked against me and there seemed to be no way.

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4 thoughts on “Don’t forget to remember

  1. OMG, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know the how and when. Sometimes I still feel that anxiety building up inside of me and it’s a constant effort to remind myself to let go. Even when I was at my lowest and darkest times in my life, that “core” part of me knew that everything was going to be OK. I feel like there’s this all-knowing, objective, patient presence inside of me that just sits back and watches all the things that my human self does similar to how I watch my kids bump their heads and figure things out through trial and error. I guess that’s my divinity, you know? It’s that core, gut presence that sometimes we hear and pay attention to and sometimes we don’t.

  2. I am the same way … Even though deep down I know it will work out. I need to know how. I need to know when. And I need to know it NOW. Uncertainty is not my friend, I can’t explain it, and its like that for all things..

    I hope I can turn on my inner listener ..

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