I help people. I’m pretty fuckin awesome at it too.  Not to be totally obnoxious, but its true; plus I’ve been working on giving myself more credit.  The funniest thing is that sometimes people think theres a secret, or that somehow I’ve gotten to some magical plateau of peace and now I’m not working just as hard as they are.  I’ll promise you, I’m swimming just as hard and my lungs sometimes hurt from holding my breath under water.  I try to put it all out here in my words because I like to see where I’ve been. I like to remember that I’ve been through some SHIT but I got through on the other side of it and I conquered it.

Say you’ll go to nirvana
Will you leave Samsara?
In the words of Dhammapada
Who will lead? Who will follow?

I can only hope that I live my simple flawed life openly and without shame so that someone else may feel comfortable to do the same.  My coworker and her husband got me the absolute perfect birthday card, as it concluded with the words “Happy Birthday, Dreamer.”  It made me happy that the things that some may hold against me were being celebrated, albeit satirically but I’ll take it.  I was speaking with Ken and she remarked on how ironic it is that the things we desire and request of God, can terrify us when delivered.  That is human.  When we can take a deep breath and dive head first into our overflow…that is divine. These days I’m working towards divinity.

I was thinking of a way I can incorporate studying abroad into my dissertation.  What question can I ask that will allow me to swim in foreign waters?  It hasn’t come to me, and it may not for a while but I have a few places that I know hold something for me.  More and more things are being relieved to me because I’m seeing. Truly seeing things not as they are but as I am; anointed.  I can’t make that make anymore sense than it does.


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