Overwhelmed

That’s been my word of choice when I think about the past weekend. So many things happened and I’ll always hold it so dear to my heart. My loved ones really sent me to the moon. Here are 5 things I learned/relearned/was reassured of:
1. Keep the good. I have some really, genuinely good friends. Friends that love me and support me and have my best interests at heart. I’m so thankful for them. In learning to keep the good I’m also learning what to do with the not-so-good. There was a time in my life when I would cut people off without a second thought; but I’ve grown and realized that being detached isn’t what I want. I also went through a phase of letting people who didn’t deserve all of me HAVE all of me. There has to be a balance! My solution for now is to let them go but not to push them away. To love and pray for them and to never hold hostility in my heart. In a way, that’s still keeping the good–I’m keeping the good parts of a bad situation.

2. You captain your day. It was apparent that some people were not their happiest this weekend. My mom for one. She had a medical emergency the morning of my graduation and actually ended up missing it. When I saw her afterwards I jokingly said,”did you need some attention?” She was not too pleased with my joke. I noticed her disdain and stepped outside for a moment and just closed my eyes and took a second. I told myself that she’d had a long day, she was likely very upset at having to miss me graduate and I took a jab. All I wanted was a good weekend and that moment could have soured the next few hours but I chose to take responsibility for my part in the incident, forgive myself, and move on. Its completely true that positivity is contagious, so when I choose to be happy and focus on the good, more good is attracted to me.

3. Be fierce. Its come to my attention, rather abruptly, that some people are too self centered to love you properly. That is not, however, an excuse for you not to love them and to do so fiercely. I noticed that some of the same people that claim they love me have hurt me worst than I would have ever imagined. I work actively at trying to remain steadfast in my love for them though. Not in a masochistic way, but in a way that says, “No one and nothing can impede me from being me.” I am emotional and caring and loyal. I don’t give up on people. I am a total and complete lover. If I chose not to love those that hurt me as fiercely as I do those that praise me then I’m not being true to myself.

4. Speak up. I think it is so important that the people you love most in this world are never in the dark about your feelings towards them. I tell people how I feel maybe a little too much lol, but often. If someone made a big difference in my life I have to share that with them. Love is not a secret! For me it was so *overwhelmingly* apparent how blessed I am this whole weekend. It was the biggest spiritual high. And I couldn’t stop hugging everyone and telling them thanks. I’ll never be able to show what it meant to me. But God was there that day, present and impregnating the room with His grace.

5. We are who we are. And I’m the girl who likes the be dolled up and feeling gorgeous, but at the end of the day enjoys the post-activity debrief more. Saturday night after dinner we went back to our hotel room and ended up just sitting and talking and it was my favorite part of the trip. I’m simple. I love nothing more than connecting to people and I can’t do that in the noise of life at a party. I hope my friends enjoyed it as well because it makes me smile just thinking about it. I’m at the age now where I’m really okay with being “old” and “lame”. That’s who I am. That’s the kind of interaction I prefer.

All in all I couldn’t be happier. Thank you to my wonderful parents, my beautiful sisters, grandmother, aunt Deloris and uncle Brian, God mother Donna, Tre and Thomas, Brittney and Tyree, Jakora, Jennie, Kelly and Kaitlyn, for coming and celebrating my special day with me! Thanks to everyone who sent a tweet, email, facebook message, blessing, gift, card, text, ANYTHING! My heart is swollen with gratitude. Lastly, thanks to Deeds, for always knowing what I need and being so prompt. I love you.

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4 thoughts on “Overwhelmed

  1. Your posts are always so uplifting Jess! Even through a blog, you have a gift of helping people. There are some things in my life that I’ve been struggling with and everything you’ve been writing about has made me see it in a new way…things aren’t where I want them to be yet, but I’m not stuck anymore and that feels great.

  2. It makes me so happy that you find comfort in my writing. I don’t know what makes me put my WHOLE life in this blog, but knowing that it can help someone else makes it worth it.
    I think new perspective can (often) be everything! We can tend to see things from our vantage point of sadness..but that’s because we see things how WE are now how THEY are. Horray for not being stuck, keep on striving for happiness and when you get it don’t give it up without a fight!

    1. Definitely. I like having plans for things and my take charge attitude has gotten me far in life…but sometimes you have to let go, let God, & STOP WORRYING lol…hard for me to do but I’m learning that I always end up with what I need. So the all the anxiety & extraness is unnecessary.

  3. Sounds like an absolute lovefest of a weekend. Those are my faves. I live for lovefests actually. I love this whole post but #3 in particular really spoke to me. Your insights and vulnerability always give me so much to think about.

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