Truth, Consistency, and Closets

More than probably anything, I value consistency. I like knowing what I can expect from a person and work hard at not expecting any more or less than what I’ve seen.
I have this friend…she and I were sufficiently close but she recently moved away. I doubt we keep in touch now that she’s gone. Some things leading up to her departure made me sincerely question things; she was a conditional friend. Lots of “if thens” and “iffs” attached to our time together. I’ve gone over this relationship with a fine tooth comb in my head and just decided that it wasn’t the kind of relationship people work to maintain. The truth was, her commitment to our friendship isn’t consistent.
The examination of one friendship always begets another. At one point I was worried about my judgment of men in my life because I chose to hold on to men that hurt and disappoint me; namely the Ex and the Doctor. That realization lead to me questioning Deeds and my choice to be in a relationship with him. Oh it was horrible. Ironically, what saved me from an introspective nosedive was BFFT.
For two reasons, the first being the fact that I know him and he’s safe and a good choice. What I mean is, we can be and are 100% honest with each other, I can count on him to always be him, and he’s never hurt me. In some ways he and Deeds are similar, not enough to weird me out but enough for me to know Deeds is also safe and good. The second was…I remember once I was in Nashville, in my closet crying and Ty told me that if you have someone that’s “perfect” for you but not willing to put forth the effort to be with you then they’re not the right one for you. He gave me a lil lecture on men and effort. When I think of my relationship, I can honestly say that Deeds keeps us together lol. His effort in loving me is astounding. Sadly, I’m the questioner and the doubter. He is steadfast in his love for me. Thinking back on this conversation I had with Ty kind of shook me awake. You HAVE to be committed to being together. That’s in friendship and in relationships. If you’re not then all the similarities and common bonds mean null. I have to credit Ty for indirectly restoring my faith. I’m sure he won’t ever let me forget it either.

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