Surprise and Compromise

My first thought as I write this post, which was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend Dr. T, is that I’m always surprised at where the best friendships stem from. Though we went to undergrad together we weren’t friends and didn’t even know each other (hey, it was a big school). But through what I’ll say is an act of God, we ended up at the right place at the right time (the vanity area of a hotel in Durham) discussing life and who knew that’d be the start of a “late in life” friendship.
Moving on, so she and I were discussing relationships and how HARD they are. It can get challenging to always consider the other person, to compromise, to communicate (and communicate..AND communicate) and the conclusion we came to was it has to boil down to love. I can’t think of a single other reason that I would put up with all the drama associated with having a boyfriend, and I know Deeds gets tired of me and my baggage. It has to be love.
My mom said the same thing to me before. She said nothing else is strong enough to keep you there but God, and what is He but love? (My mom isn’t one to just throw out idioms about God either, so I took that to heart).
Dr. T and I also spoke of how not everybody needs to know everything. I’ll also invite some mom wisdom here as well, years ago my mom said to be careful when you tell people about things that go on in your relationship because long after you’ve forgiven your love and moved on, friends and family may not have. There are things that should just stay between you and your mate, and there are some things that not every friend will need know. Its not a bad thing though, I don’t think. Your loved ones just want to protect you and for you to be happy. Not everyone can take that step back and not hold a person separate from their mistakes. The truth is, we are not our mistakes nor our accomplishments..we’re just a person that has both.
I always feel like such a grown up after talking to Dr. T because somehow in the blink of an eye we were young black professional women in serious committed relationships basically saying “WTF”. Talk about blessed and confused. The thing is, its nice to have someone in a different but familiar position because you can help each other. I know we do, and I know (and hate to say it) your single friends can (and sometimes will) lead you astray. I think when you’re in a relationship dynamics do change, you can’t kick it like you used to with whom you used to. Its inappropriate. So, that being said its surprisingly nice to have a friend in a parallel situation.
Sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I’ve changed so much since I was 18, 21, or even 25. I love where I am now and wouldn’t go back but its just astounding to be writing from this place and wonder how I got here. I am in a relationship with a man I plan to marry and start a family with, I am on the right career path and will be a Doctor by the time I’m 30 (maybe 31 lol). I couldn’t have predicted either of those for myself even 3 years ago.
When you follow your heart you’ll be surprised* at the places you’ll wind up and the people who meet you along the way. Be uncompromising in your stride and I’ll be damned if love won’t see you through…since its the only thing strong enough to.

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