I had a talk with my friend
KSH KSO yesterday about relationships. It has always been my belief that relationships require constant re-evaluation. She and I discussed how a lot of people fear looking at their relationship and saying “is this still working” because it might not be. For me though, for both of us really, that’s the only way that we can be sure that it is.
I’ll be damned if I didn’t learn this in Tao of Healing. We were told, if you want to be certain of something we have to consider being uncertain. If we say we know something, we have to introduce the idea of not knowing it. That is how you ensure certainty, by introducing the opposite. I like that. I like that I can question my relationship without it ending. I think that when I question it and when I look at the “gaps” in it, only then can I begin to address them and give them the attention they need for repair. This is not just in romantic relationships, it exists with any and all relationships.
We all usually, within a year, have a time that we reflect on things. Whether its our birthdays or Christmas or New Years, or Yom Kippur, lol whatever… we look back over our lives and think about what we’ve been doing and what we want to be doing. I had it with my career choice. Is this really what I want to be doing? What I should be doing? I doubt it and then I feel my way around and out of it back to certainty. I say God laid out this for me. I couldn’t have done this myself. Then and only then, do I know.
I’m not afraid of doubting. I used to be, I thought if I had doubts then something was wrong. I don’t deny any part of the human experience, doubt included. I can’t fear it because then I’m giving it power it doesn’t deserve. So I will flirt with doubt, but I won’t marry it.