Flirting with Doubt

I had a talk with my friend KSH KSO yesterday about relationships.  It has always been my belief that relationships require constant re-evaluation.  She and I discussed how a lot of people fear looking at their relationship and saying “is this still working” because it might not be.  For me though, for both of us really, that’s the only way that we can be sure that it is.

I’ll be damned if I didn’t learn this in Tao of Healing.  We were told, if you want to be certain of something we have to consider being uncertain.  If we say we know something, we have to introduce the idea of not knowing it.  That is how you ensure certainty, by introducing the opposite.  I like that.  I like that I can question my relationship without it ending.  I think that when I question it and when I look at the “gaps” in it, only then can I begin to address them and give them the attention they need for repair.  This is not just in romantic relationships, it exists with any and all relationships.

We all usually, within a year, have a time that we reflect on things. Whether its our birthdays or Christmas or New Years, or Yom Kippur, lol whatever… we look back over our lives and think about what we’ve been doing and what we want to be doing.  I had it with my career choice.  Is this really what I want to be doing? What I should be doing?  I doubt it and then I feel my way around and out of it back to certainty.  I say God laid out this for me.  I couldn’t have done this myself.  Then and only then, do I know.

I’m not afraid of doubting.  I used to be, I thought if I had doubts then something was wrong.  I don’t deny any part of the human experience, doubt included.  I can’t fear it because then I’m giving it power it doesn’t deserve.  So I will flirt with doubt, but I won’t marry it.

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3 thoughts on “Flirting with Doubt

  1. I like this idea. I agree that relationships require re-evaluation because people are constantly growing, changing, expanding, etc. This post opens my eyes to the fact that I can doubt and question without condemning. Since Law and I have been together essentially since we were 19 and 21, I have this nagging fear that we will grow apart. It’s as if I wish that we’d met later in life. Because of this doubt in the back of my mind, I tend to get worried when I feel that I might be “outgrowing” him or vice versa. Sometimes all I can see are the things we don’t have in common, or the areas where we don’t see eye to eye…and I get myself all worked up. This post helps me see that I NEED to not turn a blind eye to these things and yet I don’t need to be freaked out either. Instead, be aware so that we can manage, compromise and keep our connection strong by devoting time to the things that feed our relationship and making an effort to understand the areas that are challenging for us.

    wow, I think I really needed to read this today! Thanks sis! xoxo

    1. Wow and I really needed that comment!!!! I have that same fear which is why I came to the conclusion that it can’t be bad to question. At the end of the day it takes me to him and we talk things out and we’re better for having done so. Its like an oil change lol

      Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

  2. Thanks for this post. I think that it is important as you have said to re-evaluate relationships. Explore those feelings of doubt, uncertainty, but also communicating to your partner where you are and where you would like to be. In my opinion, it is good to question and acknowledge the uncertainty. But also to lean into the understanding that you and your partner are willing to work and grow together. Peace.

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