I don’t know how you do it. Love so wholly and without fear. Or if there is fear, what do you do with it? I look at you with amazement sometimes and am envious that though I’m sure you have been through things in your past you did not let them rob you of the ability to give so freely of yourself.
As things come to a crossroads and we don’t know what lies ahead of us, it takes extraordinary faith. Mastin Kipp said, “The [person] of your dreams isn’t going to “come along”, [they are] going to be where you’re going.” Borrowed words, “God says in Colossians 3:10 that we are to do EVERYTHING in life with God’s glory, not our glory in mind. God says that relationships are supposed to be all about Him…not us. Yet, every one of us has to admit that our relationships are seldom about anyone else besides ourselves! (source)” Those two things being said, if I am in His will for you, and you for me, then we don’t have to sweat the small things. All we have to do is maintain our faith and stay focused on our walk. It is when we stray from Him and act in accordance to our flesh that we become lost; strangers to each other and ourselves.
I can attest, I was closed. I felt so broken. Unable to let people in and so used to being loved with stipulation that I could not appreciate the freedom that you gave me. To be myself, that is by far the greatest gift and I know God sent you to me to let me know that its okay, that I’m okay. Sometimes I find myself still carrying the chains of a bond long since broken. Chains of needing validation. I get insecure and just need you to hold my hand again to keep me steady. “Holding her hand” meant more to me than any other words, even I love you.
The affinity to want to push. To want to break us and end us and just be by myself…just abandon me so you can be like everyone else and just disappoint me because I know that. When you stay I get so uncomfortable and I’m forced to grow and sometimes that’s painful. My wings will thank you later.
Just remember this.
P.S. To the other Open, you’re stronger than you know right this moment. But trust that you are. Feed your faith and your fears will starve, just do not close. Trust me. There’s something beautiful about the fearlessness of wreckless love. Cry, its okay. Be hurt, its okay. Scream, that’s okay as well. But don’t ever stop loving the way that you do. Some
closed opening soul like me needs you to love them past the bullshit into something wonderful.