Deeds and I broke up. I feel a lot surrounding it. I still love him. I need to be single for a while though. For me. It hit me very hard that I am maybe a bit too selfless. I had been ignoring myself and my needs in an effort to appease others, and in our relationship it was not even always something he asked for. I was trying to do and be what I thought I needed to do and be. In a lot of ways I was not being myself because, well I did not know who I was in a relationship.
He said to me, in the end, that it was funny when we first fell in love I only believed in us and he believed in him, and I. Now our tables have turned and I see him and I while he only sees us. Needless to say he let me go, but still very much wants to be in a relationship. I had to let go of feeling that I was going to hurt him because everyday I stayed I was losing more of myself. Sometimes, I was told, there are just things that we need. They are non-negotiables and we have to be with a partner who accepts those things. Additionally, we need to know ourselves in order to know what those things are and when they are in jeopardy of being compromised. In a lot of ways I just started getting to know myself so I felt bad asking for things I didn’t know I needed. Or even finding that things I thought I didn’t need were actually necessary. It sent me in a full out whirlwind.
I know I did the best thing. I did.
Then there’s this whole situation with P2AD. I also laid out my truth there. No expectation. Just happy to have the honest to Dubb truth out in the open. LET GO OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING THE TRUTH. What a damn lesson.