Lately I’ve been a little obsessed with Alice (hence the new header). In wonderland, though the looking glass, all of the above; I can’t get enough of Alice. I really want to get my hands on the books, and am going to see if they are available in the library tomorrow. I can’t figure out why they would be, but then again I can’t figure out why they wouldn’t. *scratches head* maybe I’ve been too into it, conundrums and oxymorons are starting to make sense.
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”
— The Mad Hatter
I really wonder how much of this life we’re even supposed to make sense of. My guess is none of it. Hindsight may be 20/20 but you already know the lesson (in your heart) there’s no need to look back and try to put together puzzles, is there? Today I went walking through campus, not looking for anything in particular, but just seeing what I could see. I came across two places where I stopped and spent a little bit of time. The first was here, underneath the thistles with water on my left and the Immaculata on my right. I was literally in between water and God. I saw on the side of the walkway right under the tree and closed my eyes and talked to Him.
I’d been worried about some things before I left my room and set off on my adventure and I tried to let them blow away with the breeze, right out of my body and into the Immaculata (or the water) either was fine with me. I think that place will remain a special place for me. There between the two, my two sources of strength. Deeds called it “Jessadise” . I’ll take that.
Next I set off back towards home, but I wanted to go a different route and see what I could find over near the area dubbed the old sports complex. I finally found the basketball arena that everyone refers to as JCP (Jenny Craig Pavilion) and right outside of it were another fountain, but also a little prayer fountain. What was particularly interesting about the prayer fountain were the prayers outside of it. They had things like “peace” “love” “respect” and each virtue was subsidized with a prayer from a different religion. My favorite was this one. It spoke to me. Almost immediately I thought of Nama. We’ve never spoken specifically about prayers or petitions to the universe but this sounded like something I might hear from her.
My favorite lines are those that read
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock. I seek strength not to be greater than my brother or sister but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Honestly if that’s not a mouthful…I keep being haunted by these words I heard on Oprah’s master class. She was telling the story of a mother who held her son as he died, and after he took his last breath he uttered the words, “It was so easy.” She remarked that she thinks that the clarity that comes with dying will have us all feeling the same exact way, that we’re looking back over what was, and we see it all with 20/20 vision and everything we made a problem (which ironically is the solution to how we grow in our virtues) was so easy.
My new thing is to explore resistance. I don’t want to do things that appeal to my human nature because I’m not trying to be human, I want to connect to my greater self and “control my Avatar state,” for lack of a better allusion. So, the things that often create resistance are the things that offer the most opportunity, and that’s what I need to be doing, exploring my opportunities. I do not want to become complacent or satisfied with mediocrity. I do not even want to settle for what my fellow man would dub successful or affluent, I’m in search of something greater than all of that. So down the rabbit hole I go, foregoing logic for mixed metaphors and whimsical nonsense. And it all makes perfect sense if that isn’t where you want to go anyway.