What a curious voice

I was catching up on my magazine reading last night and I remembered Kourtney Kardashian being featured on this month’s Shape magazine, I wanted to pick it up but having just moved across the country funds are kind of limited and that $5 is a gallon of my bourgie organic milk.  So I googled and of course the article is online, as I read her interview and looked at the pictures one in particular called to me…

Its no secret that in my heart of hearts I want to be a runner. I tried to make peace with the fantasy and say that it just was not me, and that I should be whatever it is that I am instead.  But see…running calls to me.  It just feels out of reach (though it does not cost anything, nor require anything that I don’t already have: two legs, two lungs, two shoes).  I stared at this picture for about an hour, literally.  The fact that it was Kourtney (my favorite Kardashian) didn’t even matter, it was the essence of the picture.  The run called to me.

I happened to be talking to Deeds at the time and I asked him “I wonder why I want to be a runner so badly.” He responded, almost prophetically, “Its freeing. You just go.”  My language! You just go…he continued, “you get rid of excess when you run, when you stop everything important is hyped, like a support system to your spirit.”  I thought of that quote

The cure for anything is salt water–sweat, tears, or the sea.

“Yes.” I thought.  That’s exactly it.  Its healing, I’m craving it, that self-enduced healing.  I am not sad, or I would cry; but I feel free, so I want to be free.  To just go.

So maybe I’m not a runner yet.  I’ve still got time to be. I am always becoming.

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