Best, whatever that is

I find myself being overly cautious sometimes. That’s the synopsis I have about all these thoughts right now.  See…dare I broach the forbidden? I already have previously, but we’ll go it again in a bit more personal detail.  This week I have a meeting with two members of a local alumnae chapter of SororityX.  The meeting came about for strictly professional reasons, they have a program geared towards interests similar to my own and I want to get involved.  Not particularly abnormal.  However, this will be year three that I’ve worked with SororityX on such endeavors and I’ve long since wondered if this is one of those things I was too stubborn to see clearly.

Growing up I was exposed, almost exclusively, to the women of SororityQ.  My family members, the headmaster of my private school, elders at church that were friends of the family, the list is extensive.  When I got to college it was just assumed that I, following the footsteps of the women before me would seek to join SororityQ.  And I did.  It did not work out, something that I thank God for (sidebar: I remember sitting in my dorm room hearing rumor after rumor about their situation and just saying MAN I dodged a major bullet).  I thought, after that experience that I would simply wait until I graduated to think about sorority life again.  Post-grad the opportunity to do SororityQ came about, twice actually, but things never ended up working out.  At this point I had to wonder if perhaps this was a sign.  I have many close friends that are members of SororityQ and many of them encouraged me in my wanting to be a member, they know the fall out I had with each time that didn’t happen as well.

About two ago I decided that perhaps being Greek just was not for me, so I made the decision to just not pursue anything.  Many local members of SororityQ had left a bad taste in my mouth, and I didn’t have interest in anything else. My second semester of my Masters program, I got the opportunity to work with two organizations Girls, Inc. and SororityX.  I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was to work with people who were about the business of service and not into the politics of socializing.  We worked together for about a year before I even mentioned to anybody that I’d been working with them.  One of my best friends is a member of SororityX and while she was going through her process my roommate at the time was as well, they met and went on and on and on about what drew them to the organization and their excitement at joining.  I looked at them both like they were “drunk” on the kool-aid, and went to bed but made a mental note to do thorough history on all of the organizations.  I did.  To my surprise, I was most impressed by SororityX and SororityY.  I had never ever in life even considered anything but SororityQ, so I was dumbfounded when I wanted more info on another group of women.  So then I looked at my community, as much as history helps me to understand the focus and vision of an organization, I’m equally as interested to see how the current state of the org is doing, are they steering the boat straight to hell?

An old classmate of mine, and member of SororityX had just gone to a big conference (don’t know if it was regionals or nationals or what) but she put up a photo album on facebook and made some remarks about things she learned about the sorority, and its members.  I was still hesitant.  I talked to Deeds about it, and he was less than thrilled because he’s not too keen on the idea of sororities in general.  I talked to my friends about it and since we’ve graduated a lot of them who thought about it in undergrad have moved on from the want and are no longer interested.  I even talked to one of my friends, a member a SororityQ about it and she said, “I mean what are they doing that you can’t do yourself, at this point?”  So I asked myself that question and decided…I’m not, nor have I ever been a person who believed in reinventing the wheel.  Their focus as an organization are things that I believe in and things that I work towards not only in my own life, but in my work with others through mentorship.  It just seemed like I came full circle and realized that this organization and I can benefit from each other.

Service has always been my motivating factor when it came to wanting to join a sorority, and early on I verbalized my like of SororityQ because of their verbalized dedication to The Arts; something that I strongly believe in and benefited from as a child (and even now).  Through my research, though, I found that they (of course) were not the only ones who believe in the power of creative expression.  The thing that most surprised me was my recent interest in the sisterhood aspect.  I mean…I guess that may sound silly, and I knew that was apart of the deal, but it was never my BIG motivation.  As it stands though, I’m 2300 miles from the bulk of my family and friends.  Just as when you leave the country you always want to find the American Embassy, I’ve left my space and it would be nice to be able to have that network of sisters no matter where I may find myself.  I look at my friends who are members of orgs and I see the connection they have with their LBs or LSs and it is truly unique.

My good friend, a member of SororityQ said to me, “if you see the members of the sorority you want to join doing the thing you want to do most in the sorority, even if its just stepping, and you don’t feel that pull to want to be apart of it don’t do it.”  When I looked at the alumnae members I was around of SororityQ I didn’t feel any kind of pull, I felt a push if anything LOL. It just wasn’t right.  I can admit that now as an adult and while I’m sure some people will think I’m a flip flopper or whatever. I know what is best for me, and I know that God has other plans for me.  I would love those plans to include SororityX, but if they don’t then I am okay with that too.  Or..I will be.

I had to move out the mindset that it was not okay to change my mind, and admit the things that would have been a mistake.  I don’t think negatively of any sorority I just believe that Q was not the one for me.  I still love every single friend I have that is apart of it, and I hope the ones who tried to help me understand that.  I don’t think any of them will take it personally.  Everyday I feel more like a grown up (that’s weird to say being 27 years old…) but I do.  And standing up for what I feel is best for me has to be the most grown up thing I’ve done in a long time.


3 thoughts on “Best, whatever that is

  1. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be part of a particular sorority. I let fear overcome me so I never went through with the process. But every new semester, I thought about and researched it (kinda). Each passing day, another close friend joined.
    I graduated and thought, okay, maybe I’ll look into grad chapter thing. I never went to any of their meet ups and I surely wasn’t pleased at the grad chapter fees. So I let it go.
    Every once in a while I think about it but I realized, I know how I am when I really want something and when I’m half-assed about something. But then again, I could be half-assed because of fear of rejection as well.
    Eh, I think I let it go. Another lifetime.

    1. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this. I’ve never wanted to join a sorority. I think because I saw what my cousin (who’s the same age as me) went through in high school with a “sorority” and I was told that’s how they pledge girls in college, so I wanted nothing to do with it. Here we are, both 25, and she just joined grad chapter of a large BGLO as a legacy, and I still have no interest, but it hasn’t stopped 1 of my aunts (who’s a member of the same one) from telling me “You’re GONNA do it” and my mom, The Wannabe, trying to force it because she tries to live vicariously through me. I rebelled by joining a small service sorority in college, and I got no support, except from a few friends. I respect the ones who do it for the right reasons and not because they wanna step, line dance, get in parties free & wear jackets, and I appreciate anyone not trying to convert me.

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