Before I can properly say what I want to say about Amy Winehouse’s moving on, I suppose I have to explain alleged death first. You know how some people fear death? I have never been one of those. I also have never been one to be sad at funerals. I remember my step-dad told me once that the sadness is really about all of us who are left here; funerals, then, are for grief not death. Right? Then there’s this whole issue about the theory of death itself. Yes, I refer to it as a theory. No I’m not up for debating why, but consider this…the spherical nature of all things the sun the moon the seasons the planets the movement of energy cells and atoms in the body…why should “death” be any different?
I’m not sure if I believe in reincarnation, exactly, as most people might think of it. I do believe that what we think of as death is really just rebirth, into something else. Our spirits have shed this body and have moved on…nobody can say where, with any certainty. It is all very curious. I remember I got chills when Shirley McClain said to Oprah: “those who have encountered ‘aliens’ have said the soul does not die learning experience is lifetime after lifetime…so what they’re saying is give up war, you’re not killing anyone anyway what you’re doing is incurring more karma.” Maybe we die in this life and are reborn in another carrying with us the karma we incurred in our past life. Saddled with all of our previous experiences buried in our unconscious and every now and again we get an inkling of something old and newly familiar (deja vu). Maybe we repeat the cycle, like a distillation process. Perhaps we are living continuously so that we may learn each time after to become more pure and more loving, less attached and closer to god. I have a feeling (just now I had it) that heaven is empty. Void of people that is, but exists only as nature. I can’t think of anything else that is perfect, can you?
Which brings me full circle to Amy Winehouse. Man she was talented…and starving. You know that goes, when you live like you’re starving you’ll always be hungry. How must life be to need to be full of something, and to believe a drug to be sustaining your hunger when in fact it is parasitically ravishing any energy you might have had. It’s like being in love with a dream, and no matter how many times you try to fall back asleep you can’t ever seem to get back to that dream and just…finish it. Addiction is a circle. I think addiction carefully disguises itself as a circle of love. Comfort. Kind of like Ursula in The Little Mermaid (incidentally she is the villian that most terrified me as a child). Its hypnotic, and cunning, most of all patient…and strong. Bigger than you, mainly because it is the whole of every expectation, unfulfilled desire, and fantasy you have ever imagined; but perverted, completely on its head. But. It is not bigger than god. Bigger than true love. Bigger than the sum of all who love you. Hmm..once again this running theme of asking for help, knowing that we cannot get through this alone and accepting the love of others. More than that, recognizing it when it comes, this love. It will not have a catch, or ask for a deal. You won’t be bound to it or by it. Love really is freedom. So…I hope that Amy, as she has been reborn into something new today, can find true love this next lifetime. Love that sets her free and gives her legs to run. And maybe she should consider a small tattoo of Ariel, just so she remembers.