This morning I woke up and I prayed a simple prayer, “Lord, please just let this time be different.” Then I said my affirmations, my prayers of gratitude and I went on to argue with my bank.  Normally this would have soured my morning but it didn’t. I decided that the things that normally would have highly upset me were not worth every precious moment given to me in this morning.  I amount to more than my available balance.  I finished my vision board, check it out: I am very proud of it. Whenever I look at it I think about how much fun I had making it, how it reads like a portrait of my spirit and how there is not one material thing on it.  I found that to be kind of interesting.  No closets full of shoes, no big house with a wrap around porch, no Kris Jenner style G-wagon, absolutely  nothing that could be bought.  Curious right?  On a vision/dream board aren’t there usually things that people dream about having?  Well mine is no exception, except the thing I want most is experiences.  A full life.  A life where I am free.  I also noticed the repeated occurance of the hands together above the head; prayer.  I suppose I do that a lot.  Well there is no question I do it a lot. I didn’t notice as I was doing it, only after.  I made the vision board on Oprah.com (if you guys do one let me know because I’d love to see if you want to share!)

After making it I was feeling pretty pleased with myself and extremely grateful.  A few years ago my board would not, and did not look like this.  I was browsing around O’s site and found the following quote and picture: “From the moment we are born, the world tends to have a container already built for us to fit inside: a social security number, a gender, a race, a profession or an I.Q…Would we still be able to exist if we were authentically ‘un-contained’?”—Paige Bradley, the artist behind the astonishing sculpture Expansion (right) which says the same thing without words (source). I looooove this!  We’re just so much more than all of those things.  We’re so much more than any one thing, we have in us an entire universe and that will never cease to excite me.

For once I want to be able to remember that on a daily basis.  I’ve been living a skeleton “stuff” life because my car and goods have not yet been shipped out here, and I want to try not to go “stuff” crazy once I get means.  That is what I meant by different.  I do not want to get too caught up.  I think buying a tv, and my dance classes will be as crazy as I go.  I do intend on decorating my room/apartment, but I’d already intended on doing that with goods from Ross and my own imagination.  I like when a space feels like a reflection of me.

So maybe that’s why I wrote all this out.  Maybe that’s why I write everything out. So I don’t forget. So when I do forget its right here glaring at me in the face.  Curse that old “when you know better you do better” adage. Curse it!


2 thoughts on “Different

  1. Jess, you are so special! I love following your journey here because in so many many ways it’s so parallel to mine and I always learn so much from you and relate to you.

    I really wish it was as simple as “when you know better, you do better” because I most certainly still catch myself doing a lot of things that I know better about! Curse it, indeed. How about “When you know better, you might do better or you might not, but at least you know exactly what you are doing. Awareness is everything.” LOL? Maybe? I dunno.

    Anyway, one of my fave quotes: “My life is not defined by what I do or what I have, but who I am. I embrace a lifestyle focused on values, not possessions.” And yet, sometimes I feel down when I can’t afford a new pair of shoes. Then I remember that if that’s the worst thing going on with me at that given moment, then I’m pretty freakin blessed. The part of me that knows better always eventually comes out on top. Do does yours. Luv ya 😉

    1. LOL I loooove your revision; I wish it were as easy as knowing/doing better but we all know it takes a lot more than that. Every single day when we wake up we have to keep walking forward or we fall behind, and THAT’s the truth.

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