Turn the purse, lay out the cards

You know when your phone is ringing and you know you tossed it in your bag (somewhere) but you cannot seem to locate it for the life of you? It just keeps ringing but you can’t find it so you are resigned to flipping your purse upside down and completely emptying the contents until you can find just what you are looking for? That is what I feel this year has been like.

A year ago a friend of mine from middle school got diagnosed with breast cancer.  She and I are not as close as we used to be and I found out when I noticed she was wearing lace fronts on facebook but she always had a healthy head FULL of hair.  When I did a little more stalking investigating I found out about her diagnosis. I contacted her and got the story and of course began to pray for her, but also for her family.  Just barely a year prior to hearing the diagnosis she was married to her college sweetheart.  They were still in their honeymoon period when their world was rocked by the big-C.  Though I never mentioned it to her, I was quietly very taken with him, and them both for battling through such a tumultuous thing so early on in their married relationship.  When I prayed for the cancer to leave her body, I also prayed that their union remain strong and filled with grace.  Today she announced that after a long battle she is cancer free.  However excited I was to read those words pales in comparison to how elated she was to write them, I’m sure.  Nothing and no one, not even cancer, is a worthy opponent of God. Though I never met her husband I wondered what “one thing” it was that she must have asked the universe to send her in a partner.  I recently prayed and laid out my cards. I asked for, in a partner, all the things that I want and even the things that I never thought I would want or need.  I spoke earnestly and openly to the universe and then closed the prayer stating “Send him whenever he is ready. I am in no hurry.” HA! What a change that is from 10 months ago.

I just got out of a serious relationship and the Taurus in me, once I decided it was over can’t bring myself to examine it another way.  I believe that we were what each other needed to get to where we are, and now we are better able to love and be loved.  Dating…CR asked me last weekend if I thought it was cheesy when people say they want to marry their best friends?  I said no because how I am with my best friend is how I would like to be in my next relationship and I never become monogamous with someone I would not marry, that’s just silly right? That is what dating is for.  Anyway, so that wreckless abandon, that freedom, that comfort that you have with your BFF…that is at the core of what I want next time.

I used to wonder how my step dad could still think my mom was beautiful when he saw all the “mystery” behind the getting ready process, and not to mention her at any given time of undone.  I finally got that the fact that she was comfortable enough to allow him access to that side of her shows a different kind of beauty.  A beauty of appreciate, of intimacy and of sacredness.  My how my views of love and relationships have matured.  So in my talk, all of this was reflected…the purse is empty and the cards are all face up.  Universe you know what I need and I have no doubt that it will be supplied.  So perhaps the “one thing” of my partner is for him to know he is the one I am meant to have.  To understand the spiritual pull and the man who gets that will no doubt be obedient to the way of nature, and everything else should fall into place. As it always does.

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3 thoughts on “Turn the purse, lay out the cards

  1. 1. That’s amazing news about your friend! God is VERY real!
    2. I don’t think I knew u & your s.o. parted ways!!! I’m sorry girl. U seem to be holding up fine, and that’s very admirable.
    3. It’s VERY funny how you mentioned things you want in a partner, as my therapist has assigned me homework on this same topic that’s due Saturday.. I’m supposed to write it as it was a job description. Problem is, I can’t, and don’t see the point, because I’m just SO done w/everything, and I can only think of ONE thing to put down: don’t lie. :-/

  2. Yes! I’m so happy for her and her family; blessings are just abundant these days. Yes Deeds and I broke up a little over a month ago. We are both doing just fine though 🙂 and it is a good thing to know what you don’t want until you can properly articulate all the things you do 🙂

  3. I love the analogy of dumping out the purse. My views of love and relationships have matured so much. I must confess that since I’ve been with the same person basically since I was about 21 or so. (I’m almost 34) Some things about us are so different now, or should I say – we just know ourselves more and are no longer under the impression that certain things about a person will change or mature. I don’t know. I know I’m being a bit cryptic, but suffice it to say that “the purse is empty and the cards are all face up” and the me that I am is struggling to deal with some of the decisions that the me that I used to be made. Does that make sense? I don’

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