Today is one of those days where I wish magic was real. Today is one of those days where I would be buried under an invisibility cloak sleeping. Even though I know its hormones and I am not as crazy as I feel, cognition is not putting a dent in the emotion of things. I just do not feel like being bothered. I first noticed when I got to work and had an email. You know how you can hear exactly how someone wrote the email? It was one of those. It is my last day in this position and I am trying my damnedest not to say effallyall, flip my hair, and walk out. That is what my ego would have me do. But as it is said, ego stands for “edging God out” so I am remaining calm kind and patient. Or as close to that as I can be.
After the rude email, I check my financial aid statement and it is still showing a balance (rather than a refund) so I call where some student worker who cannot do math just frustrated me even more. Yet another deep sigh and a mental PUSH from the top of me out my extremities for this negative, combustible energy to get out of me. I want all the worry gone, “Take it” I said to god.
I do not want to go back to taking five pills a day to not feel “crazy”. Seriously though, I am on a war path inside my body and its like I cannot filter my emotions enough to be pleasant. I was never a good liar. I have on peaceful music (instead of Roman’s Revenge) and I keep taking deep breath but the monster inside me that only eats chocolate is getting pissed off at this patronizing. This is why when I have days like this I just sleep. There is no struggle in the slumber.
I wonder if other women feel this way? I wonder if it is this bad for anyone else? I wonder if everyone is just the wrong look away from just going the eff off. I have absolutely nothing constructive to say other than may the hours fly.