The difference between a Harry and a Trey

I’ve been thinking a lot about love. Maybe its the fact that my friends around me are getting married or engaged. Or maybe my own biological clock is ticking, but the other night I told A that Charlotte said were get two great loves. I believe that one is the one as want it to be, and two is the one if was always supposed to be. After seeing a post on tumblr I realized that what this was was a case of pragma versus agape.

“Harry was the total opposite of what Charlotte desired from her men. He was bald and chewed with his mouth open. Charlotte knew that she could let her guard down around Harry, since she would never fall for anybody like him. That is, until she did.”

Of the six different types of love I think its safe to say we all want and in the end believe we have agape (selfless altruistic love; spiritual love). I wanted to believe that. I am guilty of being a salesman, trying to convince myself that I had everything I needed and that I was okay. I think its safe to admit that wasn’t always the case. I think in past relationships we all fall victim to trying to make someone the one.  Lauren (Conrad) did it with Jason, Charlotte did it with Trey, Gaston did it with Belle, the tale of pragma (love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative) just keeps repeating itself.  When I was going through my break up, as much it could be considered that, I kept thinking back to the movie Closer, that scene in the end with Natalie and Jude in the hotel room…

In particular the lines “I can’t do anything with your easy words.”  In the end it really doesn’t matter what is, if you don’t feel it then you can’t really sell yourself on it.  I’m not in the business of living lies.  I had a friend tell me the same thing that I told a friend a while back…then I remembered how another friend of mine told me stories of how she financially sacrificed so much in her previous relationship and how she thought she was doing it for love but then when the relationship ended she was left feeling used and stupid.  I think we all have things we did in previous relationships that when we look back we swear we will not repeat in the next one.  Back to what I was told, she said she knew my ex was not the one for me.  Something I found interesting because I did not tell her a whole lot about us, well not intimate details.  But, she knows me. She said she felt I would go to the end of the earth for him but did not get the feeling it was mutual and reciprocal.  I understood, but its hard to agree because then I have to admit certain things about myself; namely that I would allow it. Regardless of whether I agree or disagree with her is irrelevant, the relationship is over now.  The thing I am taking from it is the lesson.  She also said I stayed too long knowing what I knew.  Now there I will agree.  That was a case of being afraid.  Too many things in my life were changing, I just wanted a haven even though in the end it was more stress than shelter.  Though it took me more time than I would have liked to leave, when I did leave I let it go.  I am proud of myself.  I think when we mourn things we don’t want to let go, and we don’t want to accept our new realities.  I did neither, and I am a better and happier person for having done so.

Charlotte York has been teaching me a lot lately.  Who knew that she was the personification of the ticking time bomb that is our biological clock.  I keep having cravings for a husband. Sometimes its to open a jar, and sometimes its to have pillow talk with.

I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted, WHERE IS HE?!

I guess I’m not that bad yet.  Don’t we all want the one we can ‘wear our glasses’ around to just come the the hell on already?  Charlotte willed her marriage to Trey which makes me think of The Oracle’s warning to me that women will do anything to get down the aisle.  But Char also willed Trey, he was good on paper, bad in bed (and I believe Samantha Jones when she said  how we are in bed is how we are in life), and didn’t really meet all her needs.  She wanted a husband though.  Carrie nailed it in the bathroom when she said, “you’re missing it! You already had the perfect wedding and the marriage, not so perfect…” Let go of your thoughts…eff your head! Eff Pragmatism.  Essentially that’s how Charlotte found Harry. She had someone she wasn’t even interested in and she screwed up and let her hair down, only to find a man smitten looking back at her.  I’ll take it.

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