God has been speaking to me so clearly lately. I was laying here reading BrownBelle’s blog where she bares her heart laying out her thoughts and I remember the day He told me to tell her it was okay, and I wrote this piece. I smiled as I read her piece and instantly wanted to call her and give her words of encouragement, but oh yeah, we’re only e-friends so I commented a simple blessing: Follow your heart. Always and in every thing.
If the last two years were marked by me feeling inside out, then this one I feel as though I’ve been cracked open at my center. I am at my dawn. He gives me instructions and I follow them. I only find myself calling on Him when I’ve taken matters into my own hands and need to find my way back to the way.
I complain a lot about things that are wrong or things that could be better. I vent here. In many ways Sincerely, Jess is my altar. I write so that I may leave it here. I do not have to carry my burden if only I can close my eyes and pray through my keyboard. Which is how I write. I lay and I close my eyes and I type. if anyone has ever seen me write an essay I do the same thing. It comes, I don’t focus on it.
Tonight EmJ sent me a video of a poem about waiting for the one created just for me. I swear she’s an angel. Also funny because the last few posts I’ve been questioning myself and my standards/expectations, but you know…I’ve prayed for him just as he is praying for him and when it is time we will meet, and we’ll know.
How amazing is it that I am where I am right now? That I am being afforded a top education, that I am so young yet so privy to access to infinite knowledge and networks of learning, and that I am taken care of. Thank you. Do I say that enough? You never can, really. My heart is swollen with gratitude at all I have been given because I know it coulda been me…