Last night after I wrote my post I headed over to Lucy’s and stumbled across a post about God. The two things relate as after that post I was talking to God about the things I want in a partner. I always make a list, a specific list and then I resolve to saying, “God you know whats best for me, just give me the wisdom to recognize it when He comes.” What a resolution…that was not always the case though. I think about how our (God and my) relationship has changed over the years and how much I have grown to trust Him and to rely on faith.
Let me say this, three of my friends have definitely made a difference in my spiritual growth: Ken, KO, and EmJ. There are others, of course, lots of others but when I need it (and when I need it but am not necessarily looking for it) they will always point me back in the direction of inward, back in the direction of God.
Here at this Catholic university, the presence of God is prominent, but doubly so because in the past two years I have fought to feel Him near me always. The very first time I closed my eyes and meditated it took a while but I came to a river bank . I was sitting there surrounded by greenery and I could feel the warmth of sunlight, most of all He was there and He spoke with me. Now when I close my eyes and talk with God we are always near water. Not in, but near and always rivers, not oceans. Sweet smells of flowers and dew, not the salty smell of the ocean breeze. *I just realized that*. When I find myself in need of that closeness I know when I get there, I know when I’m centered because I am at that place.
Sometimes people ask me if I am Catholic. No, I am not confirmed but my family is Catholic, always my answer. I do not, nor will I likely ever be a part of an organized religion. I know that when I start to tell my family about my lessons from Buddha or my interests in Tao that they look at me a little sideways, but you know it brings me such peace. I do not think that any of it threatens or derails anything that I have ever known about God. Love, forgiveness, acceptance…those things are universal, those things are rudimentary, right?
I look forward to that relationship deepening. I look forward to having people around me that not only encourage and support my relationship with God but who nurture and cultivate their own. I want to see the world and learn about how other peoplehave found HIm, how they stay close to Him. What does their “river bank” look like?
I’m thankful. If nothing else, appreciative of His patience with me. His allowing me to question and sort through the things I have always “known” to be true from that which actually is. I admire His ability to love us despite our faults and our seeming determination to learn the hard way. I have such peace with Him. Now that is a love that feels like being alone.