Tit for Tat

Admittedly I have never been one to play the tit for tat game, keeping track of who did what for me and when; mostly because I hate when that is done to me.  As I’ve been out here in California (and really even before, when I was living in Atlanta) I started to notice that when it came to friends, I was the one making calls to hang out I was the one making the sacrifices and I was the one putting forth the effort.  Not only that, but as I prepared to leave and some people did not call, text, tweet to say goodbye I took it at face value.  The question I have to ask myself is what purpose those friendships serve and why do I continue to hold on to them?

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t want anyone to affect me so much that they change the loving person that I am.  However, I can love and wish someone well without involving them in my daily life. The same thing began happening again.  I noticed with people here that it became me texting me initiating meet ups, etc.  And granted, yes, that is who I am; I am excellent at keeping in touch and maintaining connections with people.  But on the other hand, I really don’t want to repeat the same cycle again where it takes someone physically moving away before both parties have the balls to let the relationship go.  So I’m going to pull back and see what happens.  See if anyone else makes any moves.

When it comes to relationships, I don’t want to hold anything back–I’m not really good at it.  I love my friends to the end of the earth and they love me with equal measure, I have no desire to acquire new friends who are not capable or willing to do the same.  I do not mean that in an accusatory way, that the people currently in my life don’t do that, I mean it in general.  I was reading a blog earlier that asked of its readers “how long will you wait?” She was talking about waiting for romantic love, how long will you wait for your partner’s potential to be realized.  I wondered how much they’d have to show they are working, but even that…how loud is that voice in side of you that says GO or STAY?  The voice inside of me right now say pull back, focus on your priorities…so I will do that.

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