Some have tapered off, some I’m sure will taper off eventually and I suppose I will have to grieve it then. When I started my Masters program it hit me that I was not really close to those closest to me. I held back a lot of myself and the only person that even knew the truth about that year, 2008, was Jennie. I was an absolute mess but it hurt me a lot to come to terms to how isolated I was even from those I loved. I decided after that to fix it; to trust them. Which when you think about it, how many people do you really trust? Of course of these people, my friends, there are some I left off and some on here who I am closer with than others but when I look at this list these are people I have called and basically said “I need you” and have been there.
I was talking to Latrisha bout her LS’s pending nuptials and in looking at their wedding website I thought, man…by the time I get married I am going to have had some of my friends for like 15 years; its already been that long for some. I think about the weddings I’ve been apart of…Kim, Katrina, Julia..and how on that special day you are literally bursting with love for your friend. It makes you so happy to see them happy.
As excited as I am to be apart of more weddings (its inevitable) and as excited as I am to have my own one day I am most excited about all the loved ones that will be there celebrating my love. Joyous over the fact that I have found someone who loves me the way I deserve to be loved. I think that’s what we all wish for our nearest and dearest on their special days, right? To know that they are being taken care of, to know that they are being cared for, to know that someone sees them and holds them dear. I know they say your family and friends don’t have to approve of your sigO, but I want mine to. They know me best, I should not have to convince them of his goodness I want them to see us and say, “Yes, they belong together.” Maybe I’m too much of an idealist, or maybe not.
This much I’ve learned, if not of love of a man then of love of other things in my life, when something is right it will attract you and turn you like a flower towards the sun. It will call to you, it will dance through your thoughts, light up your eyes, put a fire in your bloodstream, and lift you to weightlessness. You will know. You’ll ask God, you’ll check with the Universe but you already know the answer, the answer is in the unsaid and the unspoken. You will know.