In my opinion, the prettiest things are red lips/white teeth/big hair and dark shades. White tees, jeans, and shoes that won’t hold you back if it starts to rain. And the prettiest days are ones filled with love and laughter, dancing and stars shining bright against the night sky. I guess that’s why I love weddings and I love photography…I get to find all the pretty things. I’ve come to a crossroads of sorts where I feel as though I am that person but I just–I can’t seem to see it. I want to see it? I want to be able to see the pretty things.
I had a dream last night about this guy…a guy I’ve never actually talked to but that my friend tried to set me up with. It didn’t go anywhere because I don’t think that either of us were interested but anyway…he was so tall that I had to look up to him and he kept laughing, telling me I was beautiful but I couldn’t hear it. I woke up a little sad, not because he wasn’t really there or because it was over but because I couldn’t hear it.
I have spent a lot of my life not hearing it. Not knowing that I was good enough, not knowing that I was pretty enough, smart enough, etc. Then I spent the next few years not believing it once I knew. Liz wasn’t lying when she said we must continue swimming upward into our happiness. After college My Person lost weight and went from a size 14 to a 6 and maybe even smaller than that. I asked her if she still felt like that same person, she said sometimes. When does it ever go away? Do we ever get to look in the mirror, in the prettiest outfit we can find and see the pretty things?
I’ve worn the red lips, big hair, white shirt and jeans, dark shades and sometimes I see the pretty. I want to see it always. Eventually, I’ll get there.