I’ve been having a hard time the past few weeks. Stressing over school, trying to get things wrapped up at work, trying to make plans for the holidays, and in the process stress eating–which only lead to another problem, absolutely hating my body. Now normally I don’t have all those thoughts quite so loud and quite so persistent but my defenses have been low, I guess. So its been a struggle. Then…something happened.
I was blowing time on tumblr when I came across a blog dedicated to dance, and I found Misty Copeland. I have always loved dance. Since I was 2, I think dancers are the most beautiful people in the world. In college my wall was plastered with photos shot by Howard Schatz from his book Passion & Line. I never tire of dance. But I wondered why it is that I couldn’t tear away from her photos, why I kept being so drawn to them…and the answer that I settled on was that, her entire heart is in her dance. Her body…is dancing her heart song.
I keep remembering that quote…the one that says what you love in others is what your soul wishes you saw in yourself. I love strength and grace in others. I love warmth. I love honesty. I love kindness. Would I ever describe myself as any of those things? Maybe honest. I want to lead with my heart. I want to dance. Not literally, but to allow myself that freedom to be lost in an emotion, in a world that moves to a rhythm we can’t touch.
Then, for the first time in maybe three weeks I looked in the mirror and saw something good.