Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve.  I love everything about celebrating beginnings (and ends), glitter, champagne, and fabulous gatherings with spectacular people.  I also very rarely make resolutions, I just have a theme for the year that I try to incorporate into my life. Last year my theme was fortitude. As I read over the posts I wrote last holiday season I remember how much was not in the words. I remember being extremely upset that I’d paid for my boyfriend to come visit me for Christmas only to have him be with his friends. I remember being without my family because I passed up the trip to New Orleans to be with him. I remember watching the Falcons game with P2AD who also came out to help me with my flat tire because said boyfriend was with his friends. I remember just being extremely sad, hurt, and alone.  I remember sitting down and trying to write without saying too much because I didn’t want to admit just how hurt I was and how deeply in denial I was that I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.  I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore.

I promised myself in June when I broke up with Deeds that I would never again be afraid to let go of something like that again.  Attraversiamo–lets cross over.  That was yesterday (you know, respectively).  Today I’m in a peaceful place.  I made some healthy decisions:

  • break a sweat every day and no eating after 8pm
  • 24 hours of thought before all purchases over $50
  • thinking, in a month will this matter?

As much as I want to travel the world I decided not to do the Sri Lanka leg of my trip, too.  I decided to just do Cyprus and save the money.  I also decided to make sure I’m home for my baby sis’s Sweet 16 birthday. I want it to be wonderful.  I want to have a good semester and enjoy completing year one of my Doctorate degree (only 2 more years of classes to go!).  I am making myself slow down.  I told myself “NO” to moving off campus because its just not economical if I want to live alone and keep it under 1300/month (california bills are realfuckinglife). I plan to keep my current place and I have a plan to be out of debt in a year and begin a savings plan so that the next time I move I am in a position to do so comfortably.  I’m really seeing my present as an opportunity to lay a good foundation.  There are things I want now…but there are things I want more in the future.  I want to be able to rent a house and then three years after working FT I want to get a condo. I want to travel somewhere new every year. I want things that require planning and sacrifice so I need to remember that when I’m making decisions.  So for twentytwelve I want to make mature decisions.

Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.

~ Joshua Loth Liebman

I’m going to be twenty eight years old. I’m grown. I am the hero of this story and I need to be able to save myself.  So I will begin really working on being able to do that.


4 thoughts on “TwentyTwelve

  1. Iove reading your blog an I don’t always comment but they make me think and reevaluate things. For me being truly honest on my blog sometimes is hard because you never know who is reading or how they will take it. Reading yours gives me hope some days. 😀

    1. I hear this a lot–how hard it is to just be open and honest no matter what. And honestly it isn’t always easy for me either, but I guess I just get over it. If anybody feels some kinda way about things I write they can bring it to me. That’s all I can ever promise.

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