Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve. I love everything about celebrating beginnings (and ends), glitter, champagne, and fabulous gatherings with spectacular people. I also very rarely make resolutions, I just have a theme for the year that I try to incorporate into my life. Last year my theme was fortitude. As I read over the posts I wrote last holiday season I remember how much was not in the words. I remember being extremely upset that I’d paid for my boyfriend to come visit me for Christmas only to have him be with his friends. I remember being without my family because I passed up the trip to New Orleans to be with him. I remember watching the Falcons game with P2AD who also came out to help me with my flat tire because said boyfriend was with his friends. I remember just being extremely sad, hurt, and alone. I remember sitting down and trying to write without saying too much because I didn’t want to admit just how hurt I was and how deeply in denial I was that I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore.
I promised myself in June when I broke up with Deeds that I would never again be afraid to let go of something like that again. Attraversiamo–lets cross over. That was yesterday (you know, respectively). Today I’m in a peaceful place. I made some healthy decisions:
- break a sweat every day and no eating after 8pm
- 24 hours of thought before all purchases over $50
- thinking, in a month will this matter?
As much as I want to travel the world I decided not to do the Sri Lanka leg of my trip, too. I decided to just do Cyprus and save the money. I also decided to make sure I’m home for my baby sis’s Sweet 16 birthday. I want it to be wonderful. I want to have a good semester and enjoy completing year one of my Doctorate degree (only 2 more years of classes to go!). I am making myself slow down. I told myself “NO” to moving off campus because its just not economical if I want to live alone and keep it under 1300/month (california bills are realfuckinglife). I plan to keep my current place and I have a plan to be out of debt in a year and begin a savings plan so that the next time I move I am in a position to do so comfortably. I’m really seeing my present as an opportunity to lay a good foundation. There are things I want now…but there are things I want more in the future. I want to be able to rent a house and then three years after working FT I want to get a condo. I want to travel somewhere new every year. I want things that require planning and sacrifice so I need to remember that when I’m making decisions. So for twentytwelve I want to make mature decisions.
Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.
~ Joshua Loth Liebman
I’m going to be twenty eight years old. I’m grown. I am the hero of this story and I need to be able to save myself. So I will begin really working on being able to do that.