I don’t really make resolutions but I am going to resolve to make 2012 all about falling in love. In the sense that Kelly Canter spoke–I plan to fall in love with as many things as possible. Looking back I guess that 2011 was a lot about being patient, being honest, and being willing to let go.
- January–>Because of the ice storm my finances got all jacked from the giddy up and I was a nervous wreck thinking I wouldn’t take my boards and wouldn’t graduate but…it all went off without a hitch. No thanks to my frantic demeanor and many tearful break downs. (Be patient)
- February–>I blew way too much money (yet again) out in LA in a refusal to live within my means. (Be Honest)
- March–> I got accepted into my Doctoral program and had to start making decisions about moving/staying and how I was going to manage it all. There was also a job available at my current place of part-time employment. I had to really consider whether I was ready to move 2100 miles away. (Be willing to let go)
- April–>My national exams and UWG hits me with a bill days before graduation that will prevent me from walking. Once again, money being in the way. Nama loans me the money and once again my worry goes useless. (Be Patient)
- May–>I graduate and subsequently become unemployed…After the awful disappointment that Deeds wouldn’t make it to graduation, neither did P2AD. While that sucked it gave me insight that I can still be happy and loved without romantic love which was proving to be more trouble than it was worth. (Be honest)
- June–>With great help from God, the angels that were my friends I got to move to San Diego. I also ended my relationship after owning all the feelings I had been having. (Be willing to let go)
- July–>I am feeling extremely lonely here in SD with no friends and a job that requires nothing of me. I complain to My Person about just wanting someone to talk to…(Be Patient)
- August–> I go through GA training and meet amazing people with whom I stayed close to all semester. While I was happy that I was finally engaging with people they weren’t my best friends. After feeling somewhat frustrated I realized that it was the same feeling I’d had in Carrollton. I had to own that I wouldn’t have “Knoxville” again but in a way I hadn’t lost it either. (Be honest)
- September–>School starts and work starts…and I start to question my reasons for beginning school again. (Be honest)
- October–> I never receive my financial aid…I never get to ship my car…I don’t get to go to homecoming…I feel stuck and get friend-sick. But I shake it off to some extent and embrace those around me a bit more. I start to accept SD for what is is rather than having it be a savior for all the bad things. (Be honest/be willing to let go)
For November and December I think I’ve gone back and forth between loving where I am and looking forward to see how I can avoid making the mistakes I made earlier in the year. Somewhere in there I fell in love with love again. Solely because of my friends. I saw the safety in being able to love someone and the wonder in having them love you back. I guess maybe my best friends, in some people’s opinions, are a poor substitute for love but honestly I can’t think of anyone better. I guess I’ve embraced my inner Charlotte York. I’m ready for more love in 2012, in whatever forms it comes in.