Ms. Fix It

I’m going home in a few days and I’m excited because I get to see one of my best friends, Jewels.  She doesn’t live in town anymore so its a mini miracle that our vacations will overlap so that we get to see each other.  Truth be told, I totally planned it that way.  One of my favorite things used to be sitting all curled up on the couch and talking to Jewels and her mom about life.

Sidebar: mom talks are one of my favorite things in the world mostly because I love the wisdom they offer.  I sit and talk to my mom when I’m home and she always offers advice for my friends when they come over. I am always in awe of how spot on right she ends up being. I guess people don’t just that much, just the times…so she can usually pick good people vs. not-so-good people and tell you how a story is going to unfold lightyears before it does.  Or maybe its just a mom superpower.

Currently I love my mom and my relationship, but no doubt that it has changed markedly within the last few years. I find myself more and more like her in a way that is both scary and wonderful.  I have become her kind of crazy…but in my own way.  Maybe that’s the thing that makes it hard, we see so much of them in us and if we haven’t accepted mom for mom then we’re only gonna get angrier if we find that we’re just like her!

Recently, though, we haven’t had those talks because Jewels and her mom’s relationship has changed a lot over the years. And honestly, if I had the power to fix one thing, I’d fix that.  I know that mom talks were just as important to Jewels as they are to me and  I know it has to be tough on her not to be able to have those chats anymore.  I still talk to both of them…but I feel kind of caught in between (although of course, as J is my BFF there is a bias).  But then again, I know her well…and I think its one of those things where when we find out there our mom’s don’t have super powers then we feel like our world has completely turned on its head.  This is a woman who is supposed to have all the answers and do great things and say great things, how dare she be human!  I’ve felt like that before.  My mom has done things that I would never in a million years do and things that maybe I won’t understand until I am a wife and a mother.  But I guess at some point we just have to accept them  not as mom but as flawed women.  Beautiful flawed women who made us the women that we are.

I don’t know why I want to fix it.  Well…yes I do.  Because I know how much love is there and I see it just on the other side of forgiveness.  I have never wanted to make something right so much, something that I have 0 control over.  I guess I just am once again being blinded by the potential of things.

I talked to my mom today and was telling her about how we just have to accept people for who they are.  She was upset about my Grandmother and how she continuously puts a bit too much faith in her kids who continuously mess up…but that’s just my Grandma.  She’s tough, but she is all heart and if she can help then she will, even if she has to sacrifice something to do it.  My mom gets so upset but I said, Mom that’s how Grandma is! And at 60 something that’s how she is always going to be, so you’re wasting your time and energy being upset…love her anyway.   Easier said than done right?

I hate that when we grow up we can no longer believe in fairy tales.  Or…we’re not supposed to.  We’re told that our prince charming doesn’t exist, that there is no happily ever after, that dreams and wishes are really just turmoil and hard work.  Why do I also have to accept that my mom doesn’t know it all?  I suppose we don’t.  And I guess out of all the elements of idealism that isn’t necessarily one that I would fix.  I have come to appreciate the differences that mark my mom and I, and I respect her more than ever the older I get.  I see just how much she loves my sisters and I and you just can’t help but to admire someone who is all heart.

What an impossible love…so says Diane Keaton in one of my fav cheesy movies…

You tell me when it ends.You tell me when it stops. All I know is, it’s absolutely fine forme to teach you how to walk and talk,and then you grow up and you head of fin the wrong direction toward a cliff.  And I’m supposed to just stand there and wave and go,”Well, kids, good luck. It’s Mom. I’m here. ” Well, I can’t do that. What am I supposed to do, huh?  Am I supposed to just put my feet upat the end of the day and say to myself,”Well, you know, they’re on their own and she says she’s fine… ” ~Because I said so

Maybe the fairy tale is hard for them too?


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