As I scrolled through my twitter time line reading gush after gush about David Beckham and his sexy new H&M ad, I wondered why it was that I was not moved by the commercial. I sent a text to Cleo about it after thinking for a few minutes and came to the conclusion that I am just not attracted to white men. I can say that the sexy ones are sexy, much in the way that I can say that Minka Kelly is sexy…but I am not sexually attracted to them. Is that learned? Where did that come from?
It became blindingly clear that if I want to date in San Diego that I will have to consider interracial dating and the more I thought about it the more uncomfortable I became with it. Why is that? I suppose a lot of it is ego-related. So much of the way I define myself is wrapped up in my blackness (whether I want it to be or not) that not sharing that with my partner would be odd. It would be especially odd to be with a partner who does not consider his race a factor; and most whites are not exactly outspoken about their whiteness. I want a black man who came from a black woman…relationships are filled with enough questions, “why do you wrap your hair” doesn’t need to be one of them. I feel so closed-minded voicing that out loud but its how I feel. So much of my life has been spent being the token and being the representative for black women (or so it seems) that I just have no desire to do that in my relationship. I wish to be understood, and I don’t find anything wrong with that.
Much in the same way that I want a Southern man. I like the province. I like men who drive trucks not hybrids. I like men who get dirty from yardwork, not hiking. I like men who grill, not roll sushi. That’s my truth. I like chocolate. Southern dark chocolate.
Patti Sanger always says “the penis does the picking,” or for women, he’s gotta make the panties wet. Her words, not mine. But I get it and I agree. Your body has got to respond to this person at the primal basic level. Why is it that I can trust my gut on a move across the country but when it comes to picking a man I second guess and give myself the third degree? Fuck that. I will own it. Team Cocoa Brown Shake Down.