I figure billionaire was a good way to express just how rich irony can be sometimes. Last night I am laying in bed, its about 12am, and I have to be up at 7:45 for work when it strikes me that I need to check my mail. Its odd because I had already checked my mail once that day and nothing was there, but my Self said to check it again so I got up and put on sweats and a hoodie and set off to the mailbox. Sure enough I had three packages. Books and my tarot cards that I completely forgot I ordered. I sat down in my floor and decided to pull one card before getting back into bed. As I shuffled the deck it hit me that tomorrow (today) would be Valentine’s Day and it would be the first day in a while that no flowers would be delivered to me. No chocolates. No special phone calls or dates or dinners. I wasn’t exactly sad, no that isn’t the right word. I was…disenchanted a bit. So I asked the deck, “Why am I single?” I spread the cards out in front of me and looked at them. One card seemed to be glowing, begging to be picked and I knew that card would answer my question. When I picked it up and flipped it over I saw this: youthful folly–impulsiveness.immaturity.bluffing.ignorance.learning.impatient.reckless behavior. The only thing I saw was “impatient” and I laughed. I looked up the card in the book and read the following, You might find yourself at the moment seemingly stuck somewhere in this process of learning. The understanding that you need in order to move on to the next step seems to be within reach, btu somehow you are held back. It is important to remember that understanding a thing intellectually is a good beginning, but it is not enough. When you are really put to the test, the only useful knwoledge is what you have truly integrated into your bones and marrow…and nothing exposes the gape between “book learning” and wisdom like a time of Youthful Folly. I take it like this…I am still learning so much about myself and really just beginning to understand fully what I need and want out of a relationship. I am just now making peace with parts of myself and loving who I see in the mirror everyday. I feel like in my last relationship I lost sight of my center and if I were to be in a relationship right now who knows…the same thing might happen again (and it might not). Most of all I read to just appreciate where I am. Rushing into things never fairs well and I must be patient and know who I am and what I want/deserve (in my bones) before I enter another committed relationship.
I laughed again, knowing that the card was spot on and I went to bed. Billionaire irony.