Perpetual Sunrise

I spent all of Saturday with CR and all of today with Emm and I just have to say, if ever I complain about not having genuinely good friends here I am lying. The pair of them are wonderful and are like honeysuckle on a summer night.
The things that I gained from quality time (we’re talking 9 hours+) spent with them was really just perspective on my multitude of blessings and the ability to “walk confidently in the direction of my dreams.”
I suppose I could explain…CR is truly one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. Just…pure goodness in all the best ways. And even though I challenge him to just say Eff it sometimes and blow in the breeze a bit, he keeps me in constant knowing of my being. What I mean by that is, his purity makes me cut through a lot of BS. We were walking to the car from the bar and he said the thing that I’d only ever say in my head or to my Person, which is practically the same thing…”sometimes I just want to be married, then I could skip all this and just have a drink at home with my best friend.” Talk about profound, I mean that sliced right through anything superficial I might have been thinking and got right to the good stuff. Even though he’s a guy it reminded me of that moment when Carrie commented about how spot-on brilliant Charlotte could be.
CR keeps me in my heart. I give him a hard time but I am appreciative of him for that. I find that I have great clarity when I talk to him. Even if I never vocalize that fact.

Then today after brunch (my new favorite tradition) Emm and I came back to my place where we chatted for hours about life, love, feelings, and all things in between. I told her how I missed those talks and was so incredibly grateful to be able to be so open and honest and just TALK to someone. The thing I gained from her was strength. Or rather, a celebration of it. We (everyone) go through some tumultuous shit, and we can either let it burden us or we let it fuel us. I have to remember to celebrate myself, my victories, my accomplishments. And that’s something I’ve been struggling with for years, but I guess seeing that part of myself in her renewed my fervor for wanting to celebrate me. Unapologetically and often. I read tonight a quote from Marianne Williamson, “Wherever you withhold your love, you deflect your miracle.” I thought about it and Emm and decided that if I’m withholding love from myself, I’m robbing myself of the opportunity to be great.

You know how you can know something…but then something happens and you really know it, capital K in Know?

My two dear friends, my perpetual sunshine, nourish the living things in my life with their love. When I think of the quote unquote grand scheme of things, I will always remember a weekend like the one I just experienced. I will be eternally appreciative of the blessings I’ve been allowed in this life. I feel renewed in a lot of ways. Some of the things that attracted my energy before seem to matter less. And others I am more determined about than ever.

I think god/the universe sends us these moments in time to restore a heart that feels depleted or malnourished. I got this because I asked for it. Energetically. Another reminder of the power of intention.
And now as I write the moonlit sky has called for the sunrise’s surrender but I am basking in rays in my heart. My soul is warm and happy and whether its fleeting or it stays, in this moment we are aligned, at peace, and high in the sky.

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