June 8, 2013

I was watching Khloe and Lamar, by far my favorite couple on television, and after reflecting on a rather tumultuous year filled with loss and change Lamar noted how happy he was to have Khloe as his rock.  He turned to her and said, “Me and you til the mutha fuckin end sugar plum!” and he might as well have recited a Shakespearean sonnet because it was the most endearing thing in the world. I want that. I declared it loudly to no one in particular, I want my own Lamar. And even though independent 21st century women are supposed to ignore that craving in favor for career, promotions, and right hand rings…that’s just not me. I want a husband and a family.

I was talking to my cohort lets call her K-Doll, ironically that is her name just a bit shortened but considering the Kardashian inspiration in this post its quite fitting.  Anyway so K-Doll is pregnant and I just love being around her because she is so vibrant and glowy.  At the great age of 40, she just recently got remarried and is now pregnant with her 2nd daughter.  I look up to her in a way because it gives me hope that I can find love after all this crazy schooling is over and that these “late in life” babies aren’t impossible.  I mean honestly, 40 is NOT old!  So I was talking to K-Doll and she said that her baby is due on June 8th and I told her that I always thought that June 8, 2013 would be my wedding date.  I would be 29 and (back then when I set it I figured) I’d be somewhat established in my career but not too established to be set in my ways and incapable of compromise.  When I told her about the date she said, “Oh you still have time! That’s over a year, a lot can happen in a year.”  I agreed with her but made a face and told her that I just didn’t see it happening.  She said, “The older you get the more you realize what is right for you and what is wrong for you. And when you know…you KNOW.”

Spot on.

I have heard this more than once. So much so that I wonder why I keep hearing it. I wonder if the universe is preparing me for a whirlwind romance where I pull a *cough* Ahem…Khloe and Lamar and get married in like a matter of days, weeks, months.  I scoffed when Dean P said it (married after 6 months), or when my Sorority X mentor said it (married after 2 months) or when K-Doll said it (married after 9 months) and each of these women that I respect so very much, each in seemingly happy marriages.  And I try to tell myself that it is not at all impossible. It could happen, and a lot can happen in a year.  I try to be open because that’s really the only way you can receive. If you let go of all your expectations and all your preconceived notions and you just open yourself up to the possibilities.

And if my date comes and goes I will not weep for it.  It’s just a date, I somewhat arbitrarily picked that was far enough in the future to allow for “anything”.  But my life is not lost without a precious stone adorning my left ring finger.  All is not lost if the 8th of June approaches and there is no love in sight for miles and miles, like a buoy lost at sea.  If all of that comes to pass then I will still be okay, better than okay.  I still resolve to wait until I know.  Regardless of if it happens sooner or later.


5 thoughts on “June 8, 2013

    1. You’re very right. Just the probability of it happening (in my mind) is so slight that its barely on the radar. I am trying to remain open to the possibility though.

  1. Dear Jess, I don’t know you but every piece you write speaks directly to my here and now. I’m a 33yr old clinical psychology major at graduate school, and feeling exactly as you do. Ive been single for 7yrs now. I absolutely needed this time to get to know God’s purpose for my life, and working towards evolving into the woman He desires me to be. Lately, I too have wondered is that love connection going to happen anytime soon? People around me keep telling me to “wait on the Lord and be of good courage”. And I’m over here thinking, Lord my patience & courage are dwindling fast. Others’ have suggested that once “being in relationship” is not such a priority for me, it will automatically manifest itself. I hope that is true, but even if it is not true, I endeavor to be the best I can be, so when he does to shows up, whether sooner or later, I will be ready!

    1. You know, I definitely do not believe in coincidence and think that whatever we are going through (at any given time) is meant to be. So yes, those 7 years were necessary and when the time is right you will find yourself in love. The partner that is meant for you is not where you are, they are where you’re going. Trust in that.

  2. I too am finding more and more people infinitely happy with their weeks. days. months relationships. Often happier than people I know who dated for 5-10 years then “finally got married”. Love is Love… Everytime I watch Khloe & Lam Lam, i yearn for the affection and love they have for each other. I used to get sad I hadn’t found it yet, but like you. I have to have faith. it will come. never when you want it, but right on time.

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