Destroying worlds

“Whoever wants to be born, must destroy a world”~ Herman Hesse Demian

Words from a book I never wanted to read. Yet somehow it fell into my life. Dr. Kim’s doing…but the question that lead him to assign me the novel escapes me. And thank god for it, as I draw upon the words in an attempt to tell a story.

Bill Isaacs says we prefer the pattern of familiar failure. Why? Because we know it? Eh…more like, the anxiety of being outside of our comfort zones is so incredibly high that we would rather fail in comfort. That is the world we live in, a world of destructive patterns and habits that hold us captive in warm and tender arms.

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I was in the grocery store tonight getting a bunch of junk to get me through the next week of class and work, cue lean cuisines and granola bars. As I walked to check-out I saw a shape magazine with Jordin Sparks on the cover looking amazingly hot. I bought the magazine and once home I read the story I’ve read 1000000 times about how some small event happened that caused this cosmic click and began the path to weight loss. (Silently I resolved to never say those words once I can tell my own story of weight loss). But what occurred to me was that she destroyed her world.

As I am nose deep in this adult development class, I can’t help but relate it to this thought…Demian was based on the work of Carl Jung, of course. Anyway, the destruction of worlds reminded me of Erikson because of his idea that crisis pushes us into our next stage, and Sharmer whose theory u work speaks frequently about letting go and letting come, assassinating what we think we know and remaining open to new generative ideas.  Hell, its Schön and his paradigm shifts, Wheatley and her order in chaos…its a lot of things.

Practically I think of what it is like for me to workout. Its uncomfortable, its sweaty, its clumsy, its slow, and its misguided. And why? I know how to workout. I know how to lift, to train…but it feels so foreign and so overwhelming when I’m doing what I know to do and my body can’t keep up with my spirit.

I feel as though I need to destroy this world of…two separate mes. Me that can and me that can’t. Me that wants to and me that will. One whole me. That is the theory of Jung–that the self fully realized is the ultimate achievement. Maybe the world I need to destroy is the one that feels like anything other than flying…the one home to can’t, don’t, shouldn’t, and maybe.

You know how I know I’m a writer? Because I just spent hours working on a paper, typing notes, and writing for class. And here I am now writing about writing. The thing is, I love this. I love to express, and feel free. If I am in the clouds over words, I am happiest.

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One thought on “Destroying worlds

  1. I love this post….. it reminds me of a conversation I was just having with my best friend about weight loss, getting healthy, etc. The feelings and negative thoughts that holds us back “the pain body” continues to fight for survival resulting in self sabotage and failed goals. In order to truly live a life you want, the pain body must die.
    Your post echoes the feelings in my heart, the desire to permanently kill the life I have been leading and embrace the life I want.

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