Heart and soles

When I started my doctoral program, I wanted to (in the end) be the director of counseling services at a college or university and maybe teach a class in the counseling program. Once I got here, that expanded to me being open to work anywhere within student development and wellness. Now that I teach in the counseling department, the work is a bit intoxicating and my mind wanders through the halls on a faculty high. It just keeps evolving!

I talk with Mo most often about these sorts of things and while she is firm in her higher education lane, labeled very much an academic administrator (and possible faculty) I’m a bit less cemented. My mind makes far too many connections between fields and areas of interest to stay in the higher ed world–not that I don’t love it. I do, but I love it so much that I want to tell the world about it!

I often wonder how to leave a place like USD, or really Soles. Its a literal think tank for innovation in leadership. Not just educational leadership, not just organizational leadership, but all leadership. How do you walk away from that environment? I suppose I’ll always carry it with me. That paired with an already idealistic and imaginative spirit will likely stay with me anywhere that I go, but not every place will nurture it, protect it, and also constructively challenge it.

More than I think of what I want to do, I think of where I want to do it. I have already begun crafting the type of environment I see myself in and praying for it years before it is needed. We both have to be ripe at the same time. I will know it when it comes.

One month into year 2 and I have a topic for my dissertation and am planning pilot study research. I am collecting works and thoughts and stockpiling them for year three and four. I am, most importantly, living. Taking advantage of many opportunities to work with different kids of people because you just never know…

Last week I made mention of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and its explanation that if you know the velocity then you cannot also know the position of a thing. Meaning you can’t know both where something is (position) and how something is moving (velocity) at the same time with any accuracy. Once you start to see clearly one thing, you lose sight of the other. Sometimes I know where I am, othertimes I just know I’m moving towards greatness (or destruction–though not recently). Right now that uncertainty is okay. And according to physics it’ll always have to be.

I think, what an honor to be where I am in such good company. To be able to do what I am passionate about, and encouraged to grow. To be challenged yet supported in my endeavors. And even though in the end my dissertation is my work, everyones fingerprints will cover the trophy.

I suppose that this morning I am just feeling grateful. Happy about everything that lead me to this point. The things fell apart, the things that fell together, and the things that have remained since the beginning. They do not make me, but they shape me and if I had to call it one thing I would call it grace.


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