Today I was watching Elf and at the end when Santa’s sleigh flies solely on Christmas cheer, I cried. I thought for half a second of calling myself ridiculous or even hormonal and then I thought, “NO!” There would be no justifying or rationalizing or excusing my sincere emotions.

In my last relationship I had major body issues. Thoughts consumed me over losing weight in between visits and never looking unkempt. There was a person, a girlfriend, in my head and she was perfect and I was not her. Then today, I looked back on that entire relationship and thought, next time there will be none of that.

I made a “page” on Facebook for my blog. People can now like and follow the blog and its open in an even more public way than before. And though right now it only has a handful of followers or “likes” just the fact that I didn’t let the “who do you think you are?” Stop me…

It’s a curious thing to give yourself permission. To say, you know what–I have worked hard on my writing, what’s wrong with sharing it? Or, there is nothing wrong with you, and if he is the right guy he will believe and affirm this. Or, emotions are beautiful! Never shy from an opportunity to dive into one.

I saw Cloud Atlas yet hadn’t written about it because quite honestly there are flew words. I read reviews and quotes, and plot summaries hoping something would spark a post in me.


What I decided yesterday at my thinking spot, was that nothing had to be said about it. No profound post or insightful words. I could just love it for what it was, wordlessly. I found great comfort in this. So I sat for the next hour or so in deep thought about the movie. Then I got up and went home, singing happily the entire drive home. Nothing needed to be said. And I gave myself permission to simply be.

2 thoughts on “Permission

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