I love photography. I admittedly am one of those people that change my facebook profile picture every few days because I get tired of the shot a few days later. Usually, its about the outfit, or the hair or the make-up or some…accessory that has temporarily made me feel (fill in the blank). I took one of those pictures the other night before a friend’s birthday party. My hair was curled, my lips were pink and pouty, my eyes were understated drama…I felt pretty. And yet a photo I took days before still haunts me in a wonderful way.
While I felt pretty in the “dolled up” picture, I feel beautiful in the other. Its plain, pretty ordinary and otherwise unremarkable. My hair was straight, my make-up…well what make-up? Its just me. And I guess I see myself everyday, but I certainly do not look at myself and see the beauty I see in that picture.
I was having a conversation with myself; thinking about where I am and where I’m headed. I thought about my strengths, my absolute strength being in people. In connecting and relating and listening to people. I wondered, challenging myself a bit, how I could get better at this. I’ve long believed that the bashert things are easy, we make things hard when we fight against the way. Yes, again…surrender.
So I thought about the things that have come easy to me…the good things like making friends and the bad things like quitting on my health. And I’ve talked myself through “the fights”, asking myself why I stayed in the ring. In past relationships it boiled down to wanting to prove I was worth sticking around for. In past failures its been my own stubbornness is not wanting to accept that not everything was meant for me.
But when I look at that picture, I get a glimpse of the woman who is sure of herself. The woman who is not defined by her relationship status nor her partner. The woman who loves fully because she chooses to, not to validate herself. The woman who is capable of anything she puts her
mind heart to. I smile because I see her. And until I can see her everyday, I am going to keep searching for glimpses through the photograph. Glimpses that remind me of who I am and who I was created to be.