Green

I just got home and dove into the comfort of my bed; four blankets total engulf me completely and finally I can breathe. I hadn’t mentioned how I was getting my car shipped from GA. Mainly because this was the 3rd semester in a row I’d planned to do it and the process worked against me the entire time. I placed the order January 20. Today, February 26, my car arrived. Of course not after a lot of back and forth, three different false delivery dates and finally this morning I get a call it’ll be here between 3-4pm. Now, I had to get it shipped to Irvine because apparently that was more convenient than San Diego so I left work early and hit the road. My mom was a bit displease I was going by myself…but more about that later. It wasn’t until after 7 that my car arrived. 3 hours in an Irvine Wal Mart…I was in the worst mood imaginable and I just wanted to not feel the way I felt. I was so angry at no one in particular which is the worst…and so I wrote this:

image

Oddly enough, “surrender” is my word this year. Or not so oddly really. But honestly, all I feel like doing is closing up for a while. The opposite of surrender I think.

I hate these moments because they always move me back. Back to not wanting to ask for help, not wanting to open up to others, not wanting to ever have to depend on anyone but myself.  And I know that’s not right, but I can’t remember why not.

Mom said its just been a long day. I’ll feel better tomorrow morning. Maybe I will.

I don’t want my day or my life to be marred by bad days that don’t even have the decency to leave a lesson. But maybe my lesson is as simple as appreciating the comforts of home. Of the things that give you peace and rest like earth.

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