Pyramids

I had gotten so used to singing in a whisper that when the time came to belt out a song I couldn’t remember how.  I used my voice as a metaphor…but literally, I had lost the instinctual knowledge of how to be loud. I was walking up to my office to write a paper and since its a holiday weekend and spring break, my building was locked so I had to use the stairwell. Four floors of absolute empty and I got this urge to just sing. 

 I thought about Beyonce in the pyramids of Egypt singing Ave Maria. Then I got logical:

Self: Jess…there is literally no one here, and even if someone heard you, so what?

Jess: I know but…no. I can’t.

Self: You can. And you will, remember?

I asked myself to remember my list of “before I die I want to…”s.  I recalled, bold as ever, “sing in public” on the list. I groaned. What is my freaking problem?

Okay…first of all. I don’t have a problem. It is just where I am. I recognize that, but you know how you’ve been knowing something for a really long time and you feel like since you know better you should be doing better? That is what I was feeling. I have known that I have a tendency to silence myself, to hide, to play small. I have been working on doing better about it, but when you stand face to face with yourself in an empty pyramid (of sorts), damn it Jess, you gotta sing!

 

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