With tomorrow being my 29th Birthday, I thought I would remind myself of things I learned this year. Birthdays were never to be taken lightly in my family, they were and are a huge deal and so, I carry that tradition on; celebrating every birthday as if it were a milestone. That being said, the lessons:
1. It may take time, but God willing, you have it. Heartbreaks, set backs, or in my case just mentally and spiritually arriving here in San Diego…it took time but I realized the other day when I had news and went to call an SD friend that I had transitioned. I thought, “you made it.”
2. “Behind every great woman is herself.” That is not to say ONLY herself, but just that she has to be a member of her own fan club. That, in and of itself, is a huge contributor to a woman’s success, in my experience.
3. Work with the undercurrent, but don’t ignore the surface. There’s always what’s happening and then whats happening…really and both require attention. And you can’t change the undercurrent working at the surface level, you have to be willing to Go There.
4. “Your shit is your gift.” I know I’m still under construction, but damn it I’m beautiful, and amazing. Yesterday I was talking to Christopher about my favorite tree it’s a crooked tree that grows in kind of an S shape around a building and he said that Tree is going to fall over and I said no its not! It’s bottom heavy it’s rooted. And he said maybe not it just growing towards the sunshine and that’s how I feel we all are. A little bit crooked, but bending twisting stretching trying to get to the sunshine.
5. It is okay (And sometimes totally necessary) to deviate from the plan. Okay so maybe Cheryl taught me this but sometimes the things that you plan don’t work out in the way that you thought they would work out but you have to trust and believe that they will… In the end… Work out. And they will, just as if you’d planned it that way.
6. My heart is in kindergarten. It needs simple things: affection, dancing, singing, color, laughter, and sunshine. It loves to play and discover and is curious about EVERYTHING. Best friends come quick just because it feels right, and sometimes if you’re lucky they stay. My heart doesn’t understand commitment issues or boundaries or taking time. Because she is 5 and its as simple as “I like you, sit by me.” I don’t want her to ever turn 29.
7. It may not have been your choice that you got hurt, but it is your choice if you stay there. I may have taken me some time, but I am finally moved on from summer 2011 and all that it was. I chose to cross over, attraversiamo.
8. If its not fun, you’re doing it wrong. Above all things, getting my PhD has been fun. I enjoy the learning, the growing, the challenges. I might not always communicate that but its true. I’m having a ball. High school was fun. College was fun. My Masters was HARD EFFING WORK. I couldn’t have survived on that pace again. I’d lost my balance during that time, in more ways than one and it cost me. I learned so much, worked my ass off and it paid off tremendously. I don’t regret it, because I learned from it.
…and one to grow on…
9. Always dance full out. In life there is a perception that if the stakes are low, we don’t have to work as hard. I believe that’s bullshit. I believe in always giving it everything, and because I invest my time in things I love, giving my all isn’t hard to do. It’s not even about the audience, who’s watching, it’s about my own satisfaction with the quality of my work. Or my play. But I’ve truly arrived at a place of dancing full out, even at rehearsal. Even if I get a step wrong. I am at peace with mistake making.
I am so elated to be alive and so grateful for everything and everybody in my life. Truthfully, I’m so full. So incredibly full. And my wish for 29 is that I can move this gratitude, love, and peace beyond my own body; move it more into my work, into my relationships, into cultivating new relationships. If you only knew one thing about me, let it be known that I was a passionate lover of many things.